


So Emotional

by MissChimKi



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Side Pearlet, Side Trixya, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-06-14 21:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15398241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissChimKi/pseuds/MissChimKi
Summary: Sasha opened the door to her room to reveal her roommate unpacking. Of course it would be Sasha’s luck, that it was the stunning girl who had almost run her over with her luggage. The girl turned to see her and started laughing.In which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college and Sasha is a useless lesbian who doesn't want Shea to know that and Shea is just trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.





	1. I Don't Know Why I Like It (I Just Do)

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my story. This is my first published work for the RPDR fandom so I'm pretty hype about it. This story is going to be way too long but hopefully it won't take me too long to write, so buckle up you're in for a wild ride. Title obviously taken from Whitney Houston's "So Emotional" because I am basic and uncreative. Tags and pairings will be added as the story goes on because there will likely be a lot.

Sasha lifts yet another box filled with her random junk and sighs. She and her dad had been moving her in to her dorm for about an hour now and she was already cursing herself for bringing too much. She knew that one of her biggest weaknesses was editing things down and of course she could already tell she had brought too much. She was considering repacking some stuff and telling her dad to bring it back home but then she worried that she would in fact need it so she just sighed and continued to put stuff away while directing her dad on where to put everything. 

She felt a little bad that she was just claiming a side of the room, but her roommate was nowhere to be seen. She really just wanted her stuff to be moved in so she tried to keep her stuff on her side as to not disturb her future roommate. Sasha opted or a random roommate, trying to get out of her comfort zone, but now she was starting to get anxious about it. Would she have been better off rooming alone or with Aquaria or Dusty or even just living at home and commuting? She had promised herself that she would try to get the full college experience. She had lived her whole life up to this point in her own little bubble, with people she trusted and that had undoubtedly made her life easier. Even with coming out and the loss of her mom she had wonderful people who she could rely on and that meant everything to her. 

She felt like it was the right time to break out of her shell. New school and new opportunities. While she wouldn’t abandon her old life and friends, she was also looking forward to the change. Her dad speaking brought her from her thoughts. “Is there anything else you need me to do?” he asked, pushing the empty box to the side.

Sasha shook her head, “I mostly just have to organize it all. Thanks for helping me move in everything,” she walked over to her dad and gave him a hug. She hadn’t always been this close with her dad, especially after she came out. He never seemed to know how it interact with her. It was almost like he was walking on eggshells afraid of offending her at any moment. This changed completely after her mom passed away. She was devastated by her mom’s death as was her dad and they found their way back to a relationship. It took time but now they were closer than they had ever been. She felt bad leaving her dad behind, but she knew now that they would always make time for each other.

“Well if that’s all you need me for I guess I’ll head out and let you unpack,” he says with a sad smile. “I’m only a quick ride away and if you ever need picked up from anywhere for any reason call me or one of the people from the bar, I know you all look out after each other like family.”

Sasha smiled up at him, “Of course, you know I’m always careful.”

He shrugged, “I’m a bit disappointed I didn’t get to meet your roommate but I’m sure that will happen in due time.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I’m getting anxious about it but maybe she’s not moving in until later, who knows,” she shakes her head as they walk towards the door. “I’ll walk you back to the car, it might help me learn this campus a little.”

“Well it’s not too far away, but you can at least know this little corner of campus,” he chuckled as they got into the elevator. Sasha was on the twelfth floor in a fourteen story building so she wasn’t looking forward to the elevator ever being down. When they reached the bottom Sasha stepped out and collided with a girl carrying two suitcases that were packed so full they looked like they could bust any minute.

“Oh my god girl, I’m so sorry,” the girl apologized checking if Sasha was alright. Sasha got a chance to look at the girl. She wasn’t much taller than Sasha but she had legs for days. She was wearing black shorts and a white tank top but somehow she managed to look fashionable in an effortless type of way. She was stunning and Sasha caught herself staring.

“No it’s fine, no harm done. I should pay more attention to my surroundings,” Sasha finally replied giving the girl a slight smile.

She returned it with a bigger one, “You and me both girl, I probably hit a few people with these bags on the way here I was so excited,” she laughed and Sasha giggled along.

“Do you need any help?” Sasha offered momentarily forgetting that she was supposed to be walking back to the car with her dad.

She shook her head, “No I should be good, just gotta get these up to my room.”

“Okay cool, well good luck, try not to run into anything else,” She joked before waving awkwardly and walking to meet up with her dad who had moved to the entrance of the building. He gave her a knowing look which she chose to ignore. Part of her was happy that her dad was acknowledging her sexuality but most of her was embarrassed.

It was a quiet and quick walk to the car and while Sasha hadn’t felt it before, now she could feel the page turning in her life, and it was more terrifying than she would care to admit. In a way it felt freeing. She could loosen up and be proud about her life, art and sexuality. She wasn’t necessarily in the closet in high school, but she always kept that part of her to herself and to her group of friends at the gay bar. It was her own little sanctuary where she could completely be herself. Now she hoped that college could be that for her too. Even in an accepting place like New York she still felt uncomfortable. She just wanted to start feeling comfortable in her own skin.

They reached the car and her dad pulled her in for another hug. He was rarely affectionate and she had only seen him cry a few times in her life but as he pulled away she could see the tears in his eyes, a little blurry because of the tears in her own eyes. “It’s not like I’m leaving forever or going to war,” she wasn’t entirely sure if she was trying to comfort him or herself.

He nodded and wiped his eyes, “I know, but it’s a big step and it’s going to take a while to get used to a quiet house.” The silence hung heavy in the air. Without her or her mom there her dad would really be alone. Sure he’d have Vanya, their dog, but it wouldn’t be the same and they both knew it.

She gave him a sad smile, “I’m going to call you like twice a day to give you the rundown on all my life’s woes,” she promised.

“I know,” he said, “I fully expect an update on your roommate as soon as they walk in the door.”

She laughed, “Of course I’ll give you all the T.”

“Good, love you Sash. I’m so proud of you. Your mother would be too.”

Sasha didn’t trust her voice so she just nodded. “Work hard and keep your grades up, but also make sure to have fun. These are going to be some of the best years of your life. Who knows you might even meet someone special.” Her mom and dad meet in college. Her mom an international student from Russia, her dad was immediately smitten. They fell in love and then her mother had to move back to Russia after graduation. Somehow they managed to continue their relationship and they ended up getting married in order to be in the same country. Sasha ended up spending the first eleven years of her life in Russia before they moved back to the United States. 

Her mother got sick after a little over a year of being in the US and ended up passing away a year after that. Instead of moving back to Russia like Sasha expected. They moved to New York City. Sasha had come out as gay shortly before her mother passed. She hated feeling like she had a deadline to come out, but she knew she would regret it forever if she didn’t come out before her mother passed. Her dad knew it wouldn’t be safe for Sasha in Russia so they ended up in a very liberal city. While Sasha knew her father was confused and didn’t agree with her sexuality, she had to appreciate him doing everything he could to keep her safe.

“I love you dad, have a safe trip back home, and text me when you get back,” Sasha told him giving him a big hug. 

“I love you too Sash,” he held her for a long time before pulling away and kissing her forehead. “You’re going to do great things in your life and at this school.”

She wiped the tears that had begun to fall down her face, “Thank you, for everything,” she knew he would understand when she meant. His support meant everything to her and that was one of the reasons she was able to achieve everything in her life thus far. Being an immigrant and a Fulbright scholar was a lot to be proud of and having such a great support system made it even better. She waved as her dad drove away. She was a little terrified but a lot excited to start this new chapter in her life.

She smiled to herself as she made her way back to her dorm. She didn’t care if she looked crazy to the people she passed. She was sure they had their own lives to worry about anyways. The walk to her dorm was pretty short. She would have to explore campus more in the next few days, but even just seeing this small chunk of it made her heart soar. She could already tell this chapter in her life was going to be something special and remarkable.

She climbed in the elevator beside two overzealous girls. “Mama this is going to be the best year ever, okur,” the leggy blonde told her friend.

“Absolutely,” the girl with a hoola hoop looking bag draped over her shoulder responded. Sasha was relieved when they finally got off the elevator and left her to herself. Though she did hope she found some genuine friends here. She could tell that the bond those girls shared was special, even if it was a little loud and obnoxious. 

Sasha opened the door to her room to reveal her roommate unpacking. Of course it would be Sasha’s luck, that it was the stunning girl who had almost run her over with her luggage. The girl turned to see her and started laughing. 

“Girl what are the odds, not the best way to make a first impression, but I guess now we’ll have lots of time to get to know each other,” the girl made her way over to Sasha and pulled her in for a hug. “I’m Shea,” she said pulling away.

“Sasha,” she responded, a little surprised by how forward Shea was. “Sorry if I kind of took over a side, I wasn’t sure when you would be coming.”

Shea waved it off, “It’s fine, I’m just glad you didn’t try to take over the whole room before I got here because that would have been messy,” she joked. 

“For some reason I don’t think that would be the best way to start off a year of living with a stranger,” Sasha quipped in return.

“I can think of worse ways, but you’re probably right about that.” Shea had gone back to unpacking her things. Even in the two huge suitcases she couldn’t fit that much. Sasha figured she must have come from far enough away to have had to take a plane.

“So where are you from,” Sasha figured small talk couldn’t hurt.

Shea turned around with a huge smile on her face, “I guess it’s obvious that I’m not from here then?” Sasha shrugged. “Bitch I am from Chicago,” she said playfully.

“Oh wow that’s a long way to come then. Was it just so you could eat real pizza?” Sasha teased.

Shea laughed, “Oh now you’re gonna read I see how it is. New York pizza is thin greasy trash. My heart will always belong to Chicago and its delicious pizza, but a change in scenery is never a bad thing.”

Sasha nodded, “That makes sense. New York is the way to go. There’s never a dull day here, always new things to do and to try.”

“Yeah, I’m really excited to be living here,” Shea had a genuine smile on her face as they talked. She had an air of confidence about her that Sasha had really only ever had when she was in her element at Look Queen and even that was pushing it. For Shea to move alone to a new city and already seem so sure of herself and excited for what was to come was so foreign to Sasha. 

After not even an hour of meeting Shea she could already tell that she was someone others gravitated to. The spotlight just fell on her and she knew exactly what to do with it. Sasha couldn’t relate to that lifestyle at all. She tried her best to not stand out and even in areas where she excelled, she tended to only show that to select people. She was sure that Shea didn’t hide her strengths at all, and that made her a little intimidated.

“I’ll definitely have to show you all the cool lesser known spots, but you’ll have to do the touristy stuff on your own time. I’ve lived here for almost five years now and I got tired of the basic tourism stuff in the first week,” Sasha explained.

Shea nodded, hanging up an orange, Muppet looking, fuzzy jacket. Sasha had absolutely no idea where she would get any use out of that, but to each their own. “I feel that, the Chicago tourists were the death of me. I still gotta see all the basic stuff though.”

“Oh I fully encourage it. It’s pretty exciting, but there’s so much more to experience in your time here.” Once Sasha started coming in to her own and making more friends in the city, it really became home to her. She had so much pride for the city and showing it off would be a lot of fun. She hoped that she and Shea would become at least close enough for her to show off some of her favorite spots in the city to her.

“Girl imma hold you to being my personal tour guide, even this campus is confusing. I ended up walking across most of it trying to find this dorm and I still couldn’t tell you where anything is so I have no idea how I’m going to figure out the subway.”

Sasha laughed, “I’ll help you with the subway, though it can’t be too different from the L so I think you’ll be fine, but I’m just as confused by this campus. Maybe we can walk around tomorrow and try to figure it out.”

“Yes please,” Shea agreed, “There’s that activity fair thing too so we can probably get a bunch of freebees, I mean technically our tuition probably pays for it somewhere so we gotta take advantage of all we can.”

“Yeah of course we’ll have to take advantage of everything,” Sasha smiled. They continued to unpack, making some small talk. Sasha felt comfortable talking to Shea, but she had made the decision before even meeting Shea that she would keep her sexuality on the down low with whoever she was living with. She had come such a long way since being in the closet, but she didn’t want to live with this girl for the whole year and always have that awkward tension. Even if Shea was accepting and not homophobic, it was a whole different thing to actually live with a lesbian.

She knew it wasn’t exactly fair to Shea, especially since she didn’t know her very well yet. Sasha definitely found her to be attractive, but it was more of a general appreciation. She could find girls attractive and not be attracted to them. She most definitely wasn’t going to go falling for some straight girl, and not just some straight girl, her roommate. So keeping this hidden from her wasn’t problematic. She tried to justify it in her mind but even she wasn’t buying it. She supposed she would just have to see how these first few weeks went and what kind of person Shea was before deciding if it was necessary to come out. Now she just needed to focus on the present which was getting her room together and getting to know the girl she would be sharing a room with for the next nine months.


	2. I Can't Get you out of my Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chatting with Sasha was so easy. Of course Shea had always been the outgoing type but she was still a little surprised at how well she was getting along with Sasha. It just felt right. She could tell that they would actually become friends and not just roommates.
> 
> In Which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college. Sasha is a useless lesbian and doesn't want Shea to know it. Meanwhile Shea is trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regretting not naming this fic "and they were roommates," but you live you learn. Enjoy Chapter 2!

Waking up in a new place was always a strange feeling. Shea knew she would get used to it pretty quickly but she couldn’t shake the feeling of new beginnings as she woke up. This was her first time being away from home. She had lived in Chicago her whole life and she loved it with her entire heart, but coming to New York for school just felt right.

She already had a little group of friends here that had come the year before. While they weren’t the most close in Chicago, she could tell from their excitement when she announced that she would be coming that their friendship would be able to grow and evolve. It was nice knowing that she wouldn’t be completely alone to start out.

Her roommate seemed nice. After their initial awkward run in, literally, they had had a nice conversation while moving in. There was something intriguing about Sasha. While she was friendly she was still closed off and Shea wanted to get to know her.

Shea looked around her new room. Sasha was nowhere to be found, her bed was made and Shea hadn’t even heard her leave. She assumed that she had just gone to shower and get ready for the day. Shea had showered the travel off of her the night before so she just quickly changed and started on her makeup. She didn’t want to do a full face but she wanted to touch up a little bit so she just fixed her brows and added some mascara and gloss.

Sasha came in just a she was finishing up. She set her clothes down before sitting at her desk. “Hey girl,” Shea greeted her with a smile.

Sasha returned her smile, “Hey, sorry if I woke you up this morning I was trying to be quiet.”

“You didn’t wake me up at all, I was sound asleep. If the fire alarm ever goes off at night you’re gonna have to drag me out because I’m such a heavy sleeper,” she informed her.

“Can’t wait for that night, I could barely lift some of my clothes boxes so I think you’re just going to have to hope it’s a drill,” Sasha teased.

Shea giggled, “I’ll keep that in mind then, I’ll add it to our roommate agreement that you’re responsible for me in the event of a fire,” she joked. Their RA Alyssa had come in the night before to give them their dorm checklist and tell them they needed to make a roommate agreement. That part was pretty standard however Alyssa was anything but. She was an eccentric person that seemed to have more red bull than blood running through her body.

“Alright alright, let me get up in this gig,” Sasha mocked how Alyssa had come into their room the night before, “I feel bad because she seems nice but she’s a little much.”

“A little?” Shea raised a brow, “At least I won’t feel bad about getting in trouble because I bet she’s done it all already.”

Sasha nodded, “True.”

Shea checked the time of her phone seeing that it was almost ten. “Do you wanna go grab brunch at one of the dining halls then walk around a little before the activity fair thingie?” Shea asked her.

Sasha nodded, “Yeah sounds good. I’m pretty hungry.” Sasha quickly put on some red lipstick. The rest of her face was bare. Typically Shea would find this odd but it really worked for Sasha for some reason.

“That shade looks so good on you,” Shea complimented her while grabbing her purse and room key.

“Thanks,” Sasha gave her a small smile a light blush appearing on her cheeks.

They made their way to the dining hall in a comfortable silence. They had decided to go to the one that was closer to their dorm figuring they would have time to check out the other side of campus later.

They went their separate ways to get food Sasha opting to get an omelet while Shea went towards the pancake bar. They had blueberry pancakes which sounded great. Shea waited in line for the fresh pancakes to be put out. She struck up a conversation with the pretty blonde in front of her named Tatiana. “Those boots are everything girl,” she complimented.

“Thank you,” Tatiana smiled at her. She was nice enough. Shea found out she was in her third year. “You can come sit with my friend Juju and me if you want.”

“Thanks girl, but I’m here with my roommate that I just met so I should probably get to know her,” Shea declined.

Tatiana shrugged, “Okay well hopefully I’ll see you around,” she smiled before walking off to her friend with her plate piled high with pancakes. 

She did the same once she had doused them in syrup. She walked over to the table where Sasha was already sitting. “Ooh that looks good, what all did you get in it?” she asked while sliding into the seat across from Sasha.

“Basically everything, I couldn’t actually decide what I wanted. It turned out pretty good though so I’m not too mad. Want to try a bite?” she pushed the plate towards Shea who happily nodded and took a piece.

“That’s so good, this college food is going to be the death of me I swear. It’s gonna be more of a freshman fifty,” she joked, “here try some pancakes,” she offered to Sasha.

Sasha smiled before taking a bite, “Damn now I feel like I made the wrong choice.”

Shea nodded in agreement. They finished their food chatting more about school and what they were most excited for. Shea had no idea how Sasha was going to balance all of her classes. The girl was doing a double major and even planning a minor, which according to her advisor should be totally doable given the amount of college credits she’d managed to get in high school.

She shook her head, “No offense girl but you’re crazy. I don’t know how you’ll have time to breathe or enjoy things besides school.”

Sasha shrugged, “I’ll be fine, it’ll just be a delicate balance.”

“I guess so,” Shea shrugged finishing her orange juice, “too bad these aren’t mimosas,” she lamented.

Sasha laughed, “We’ll have to start smuggling in champagne,” she suggested.

Shea clapped her hands together in excitement, “Yes girl I love the way you think.” Chatting with Sasha was so easy. Of course she had always been the outgoing type but she was still a little surprised at how well she was getting along with Sasha. It just felt right, she could tell that they would actually become friends and not just roommates. 

It was a bit after eleven so Sasha suggested they walk around a bit before the fair started at noon. They put their plates on the conveyer and left the dining hall. 

Campus at Charles University was stunning. It was still surrounded by city, but campus seemed like its own little bubble. Shea felt at ease walking around even if she had yet to learn her way to everywhere she needed to go. They still had a week before classes actually started so she had time to figure it out.

She and Sasha made their way to the center of campus where the fair was happening slowly. Taking time to check out all the scenery and buildings along the way. “There are some great photo ops here, we’ll have to come prepared sometime and do a basic roomie photoshoot,” Shea suggested.

Sasha nodded eagerly, “That would be so cute we have to now.”

“Our instas are going to be lit,” They had followed each other the night before. Sasha’s page being very unique and artistic with a lot of gorgeous photography and unfinished art projects that still managed to resonate with her. It was very neutral compared to her own bright and loud page showing off a lot of her fashion and mainly pictures of herself. She felt like Sasha’s insta was a little window into her, but it obviously didn’t show everything. Shea was intrigued by it nonetheless.

“Please, yours is already great you’re honestly a model,” Sasha nudged her.

“Whatever girl you’re a brilliant artist and photographer so I think we’ll make an awesome team and have a bomb ass photo spread,” Shea complimented her back, noticing Sasha blush a little which she found endearing. Shea was always a complimentary person, so by end of the year she knew Sasha would be sick of it but she hoped she would be able to help her take compliments better. 

They reached the main pavilion of the campus where the fair was set up. It was already in full swing by the time they got there complete with a bouncy obstacle course which Shea had to laugh at. “There’s no way that one of these college idiots isn’t gonna break that.”

“I’m shocked it hasn’t already been broken,” Sasha remarked.

They made their way through the crowd of students to where the line of tables started. They ranged from businesses and restaurants surrounding the campus to organizations and clubs at the campus. They managed to snag lots of coupons and freebees. 

They were on the outskirts of the fair eating some free ice cream and debating on whether or not they needed to prove themselves on the obstacle course when Shea heard someone call her name. She turned to see Max, silver hair perfectly straight against her black bralette top. 

“Hey girl it’s crazy seeing you here,” Shea went in for a hug. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew Max was going to Charles as well but it didn’t really register. She and Max had never really spoken all that much. Max was kind of a part of their little squad but never fully. She hung out with them on occasion but she never seemed to fit in completely. Shea felt a little bad so she always tried to be friendly and include her in their outings when she was around.

“Yeah I know, it’s so crowded I’m surprised I ran into you,” Max told her.

“Oh this is my roommate Sasha. Sasha this is Max, she’s a friend from back in Chicago,” Shea introduced them.

“Nice to meet you,” Max smiled at Sasha before turning her attention back to Shea, “Have you seen any of the other girls yet?”

Shea shook her head, “No, I was going to try and meet up with them later if they’re not busy. They know I’m here but I was too tired to do anything yesterday.”

“That’s understandable,” Max nodded, “I met up with Pearl for breakfast today, did you know she has a girlfriend now,” Max said, hardly concealing her feelings.

“No I hadn’t heard. That’s good for her though.” Shea didn’t really want to choose sides, especially given that she was probably closest with Pearl. Everyone knew that Max had been in love with Pearl from the moment she laid eyes on her. Pearl had to know too she was just too polite to say anything about it.

“Yeah I guess,” Max shrugged.

“I’m looking forward to the gang being together again, it’s been far too long,” Shea tried to turn the conversation back to positive again.

Max smiled, “Yeah we should definitely try to get together tonight. I’ll text the group. I have to get back to my roommates now but it was nice to see you and nice to meet you,” she waved goodbye before walking off to a group of girls that were standing nearby. 

“She’s very, tall,” Sasha commented.

Shea laughed, “Yeah that’s a nice way to put it.”

“How is it that you just moved here and you already have a squad?” Sasha questioned.

“We all did theater together back in Chicago. Most of them are a year above Max and I, we all decided to come here for our own reasons but it just worked out that we can continue to be a little group,” she explained, “I was never really that tight with any of them, I had my own group back in Chicago, but they seem to have formed a tighter bond since being here and it’ll be nice to have some familiarity while I’m new here.”

Sasha nodded, “makes sense,” she threw her ice cream cup away. “So you wanna go dominate this obstacle course?”

“Definitely,” Shea grinned, “As long as we can be the assholes that break it.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if it was you with those demon nails,” Sasha teased.

“Bitch,” Shea laughed, “I mean you’re probably right but still.”

Sasha rolled her eyes, smile still on her face while they walked to the course. They ended up beating two cocky frat boys through the art of distraction and diligence and sobriety probably. 

“We the dream team,” Shea said after Sasha gave her a double high five and returned her hug at the end of the race. Shea really felt herself forming a friendship with Sasha. She hoped they would continue to get along as time went on.

They decided to walk back to their room after the race was over, they’d seen as much of the fair as they needed to see, Shea grabbed basically every pamphlet for clubs hoping it would be an easy way to make friends, whereas Sasha only grabbed a few that caught her eye. Shea hoped she could convince Sasha to go to a meeting of some sort in the upcoming week just so she wouldn’t have to be completely alone. 

Once they reached the room again they both flopped on their beds. “That was fun, I’m glad we went,” Shea said. Sasha hummed in agreement. Shea pulled her phone out and saw that she had some messages from the group text about meeting up somewhere that night. It was no surprise that they couldn’t seem to agree on anything. Shea shook her head and set her phone back down. Somethings never changed.

After a while of sitting and browsing their phones occasionally showing each other memes or cool pictures that they found Sasha sat up. “I think I’m gonna go check out the gym and try to be productive. Any desire to come with?” she offered.

Shea thought on it, “I probably should but I think I’m gonna end up meeting with the girls soon anyways.”

“Suit yourself,” Sasha said before going over to her drawers to find her gym clothes.

“Would you mind if they came over here? I think they want to see my room,” Shea asked.

“No I don’t mind,” Sasha said while putting a t shirt over her sports bra. Shea had to acknowledge that Sasha had a great body. A little on the skinny side but she was still toned in the right places. Shea would typically comment on this but she didn’t want to creep Sasha out this early on. She was used to platonically flirting with all her girlfriends. Sasha was a new friend though, if even that, and she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. She did note that she would have to work out with Sasha in the future to see what her routines were.

“I’ll see you later,” She waved before heading out the door with her water bottle and key in hand, popping some earbuds into her ears. She wondered what she was listening to. She would have to make her a banging workout playlist later so she could have some real pump up jams.

She texted the group letting them know they could come over whenever and giving them the dorm name and room number. They all responded enthusiastically and Shea was genuinely excited to see them again. She was sure they’d have some good stories and hopefully some freshman year advice for her. 

She had done a little decorating the night before but she still had to figure out how she wanted to hang her pictures, so she got to work on that. Stringing up fairy lights with all of her pictures. Some of her family, some of her best friends Dida and Vixen and even some of the theater girls. She hoped they would take many more to add to the wall and if her photoshoot with Sasha happened those would be nice to add too. 

She was caught up in her thoughts when she got a call from Trixie informing her that her and Kim were almost there so Shea headed down to meet them in the lobby.

Trixie let out a loud yell when she saw Shea before running to hug her. Shea rolled her eyes but returned the hug and the excitement, “Don’t be such a basic bitch Trix, it’ll ruin my rep before I’ve even established it.”

Trixie faked looking mad but was still laughing. Kim laughed before pulling her in for a hug as well. “It’s nice to see you again whore,” she greeted her. It felt like home, she was extremely glad to see these girls.

“When are the others coming?” She asked.

“I think Max is on her way and you know Pearl can’t be on time to anything. Apparently she’s bringing her girlfriend at some point, so you know Max will be extra standoffish and weird,” Trixie told her.

Shea shot her a look, “Don’t be mean to her she just wants our friendship, and to fuck Pearl but mostly friendship.”

Trixie tried to look innocent, but it didn’t really work for her, “You’re such a cunt to her you know, she looks up to you honestly you should be a little nicer,” Kim scolded her.

“I’m a cunt to you too and you’re still my best friend so maybe I’m just mean and people are drawn to it,” Trixie shrugged as Max walked into the lobby. “Oh shit there she is, hey Max we were just wondering when you’d be here.” Kim and Shea shared a look but luckily the other girls didn’t notice.

Max greeted all the girls, “So we’re just waiting on Pearl then?” she asked.

“And her girlfriend,” Trixie chimed in. Kim elbowed her but she pretended not to notice.

“This should be interesting,” Kim stage whispered and Shea and Trixie broke out in laughter. They weren’t intentionally making fun of Max but the whole situation would be far too awkward if they didn’t make a joke out of it. 

Max blushed, “Well Pearl hopefully doesn’t have bad taste so I guess we’ll see,” she decided.

Pearl strolled in a few minutes later, “Hey uglies were you waiting on me?” she asked.

Shea gave her a huge smile before pulling her in for a hug. Pearl had always been the one she was closest with. They spent a decent amount of time together smoking weed and writing shitty songs. Pearl was in cosmetology school in Chicago at the time and always would experiment on Shea’s hair. It was good for Pearl because she got practice working on hair that wasn’t white and good for Shea because she didn’t have to spend all her money changing her hair with her mood constantly. By the end of the two years that Pearl had been in Chicago she had gotten really good at hair, especially Shea’s. That made her going back to New York that much harder.

“I missed you slut,” she said as sincerely as she could when they pulled away.

“Please you just missed me for my styling skills and weed hookups,” Pearl joked.

“True, just not the experimental phases, for both of those,” Shea teased back. “We can head up to my room now if y’all want,” she addressed the rest of the group again.

“Wow such a gracious host,” Kim read as she followed Shea to the elevator.

“Careful bitch, I’ll lock you out,” Shea warned.

“Or she’ll just keep any snacks from you,” Trixie joked making them all laugh.

“You wouldn’t dare, Shea’s too nice, way nicer than Trixie,” Kim quipped back.

“She also doesn’t have to live with you. I guarantee she would be a lot more mean if she had to put up with you that much,” Trixie countered. Kim flipped her off. Luckily they had made it to the room so Shea took the opportunity to get them to shut up.

“Wasn’t your new girlfriend supposed to be here?” Shea asked Pearl as she unlocked the door, holding it open for the others to file in.

“She’s going to come in a bit. I don’t think she can stay for very long because she already has plans, but I wanted her to meet you at least so I think she’s just going to stop in.” It was always hard to read Pearl’s emotions. She was always so chill that it overshadowed everything else. Shea thought she seemed nervous, but she couldn’t completely tell so she decided not to push it.

“Where’s your roommate?” Trixie asked, flopping down on the couch beside Kim. Shea threw her stuff on her bedside table before hopping onto her bed and making herself comfortable. Pearl took a seat beside her. Max hesitated for a moment before pulling out Shea’s desk chair and joining their little makeshift circle. 

“She went to the gym. She’ll probably be back at some point,” Shea explained, “She’s really chill I think y’all will like her.”

“You’re gonna replace us already, I’m hurt,” Kim mocked offense.

Shea rolled her eyes, “Unless she has multiple personalities she could never replace all your dumbasses.” 

Pearl laughed beside her and shoved her halfheartedly, “You love our dumbasses.” Shea had to agree, it was nice to be surrounded by so much love. Even if they acted bitchy to each other it was never real. They chatted for a while, about life and school and whatever else they thought of. They were eventually interrupted by the door opening to reveal Sasha, who still looked a little red in the face from her workout. She must’ve really went hard Shea assumed.

“Hey girl, how was your workout?” Shea greeted.

Sasha shrugged, “It was alright. The gym is huge I have no idea how to use half of those machines. I’m Sasha by the way,” she turned to address the rest of the room.  
The others introduced themselves in a surprisingly organized manner. Sasha gave each of them a smile, clearly trying to remember all their names. “Sorry about the sweatiness, I’m going to go shower now,” she grabbed her clothes and made her way back towards the door, “Nice meeting you all,” she said before shutting the door behind her.

Shea felt a little bad for monopolizing the room this early. She hoped Sasha didn’t resent her for it, but she did say she could have friends over if she wanted so she assumed it was okay. They went back to their conversation.

It wasn’t long before there was a knock at the door. Shea assumed it was either Sasha who forgot something or the neighbors to tell them to quiet down. She got up to open the door, coming face to face to a girl with the tiniest waist she had ever seen and eyebrows sharper than most knives.

“Violet,” Pearl smiled, getting up to greet her girlfriend, “You could’ve texted that you were coming up.”

“I like to make an entrance,” she said in a bored tone, “I’m Violet,” she supplied surveying the room, as if they couldn’t have figured it out. 

They all introduced themselves again, though Violet didn’t look like she cared about getting to know them at all. Her eyes lit up in a smirk when Max introduced herself, like she already knew she won the competition even though there really wasn’t one to begin with.

“Quite the party you guys have here,” she joked. At least Shea thought she was joking, Pearl was the only one who laughed so Shea cracked a fake smile just to show support for her friend.

“We were just catching up, it’s been a while since we’ve all been together,” Trixie explained.

“That’s nice Tracy. Catching up with friends is riveting I’m sure, but next time you guys should come out to a party,” Violet suggested.

“It’s Trixie, and a party would be fun you’ll have to let us know about all the good ones,” Trixie responded, voice dripping in sarcasm. 

“Yeah I’ll be sure to,” Violet’s phone beeped and she pulled it out to check her message.

“That’s Fame, I was supposed to meet her like five minutes ago,” Violet told Pearl.

“Fame,” Max scoffed, “that’s an interesting name.”

“It’s a nickname,” Pearl supplied.

“Yeah. She thinks we call her that because she’s insta famous, but really we call her it ironically because she grew up raising chickens on a farm in the middle of nowhere,” Violet added on. “Anyways I’ll see you babe and I’m sure I’ll see you all again at some point,” she pecked Pearl on the cheek before exiting swiftly.

“Well that was interesting,” Kim finally broke the silence. They all laughed except for Pearl.

“She’s really great I promise, she’s just a little standoffish around new people,” Pearl defended.

“Whatever you say girl,” Shea said.

Pearl opened her mouth to say more but before she could Sasha reentered the room. “Hey again,” she smiled at them. She looked comfortable in a big t shirt and shorts, wet hair over her shoulder.

“Hey Sasha, come join us,” Shea invited. Sasha put her dirty clothes in her hamper before dragging her chair over by the rest of them.

“You just missed Pearl’s girlfriend. It was interesting,” Kim informed her.

“Well if you guys are as close as you seem to be I’m sure I’ll meet her eventually,” Sasha figured.

Max still looked a bit irritated, “You didn’t miss much. She was only here for like half a second.”

Pearl shot her a look of annoyance, “She already had plans. She didn’t have to stop by at all.”

Max looked a little hurt, “Sorry, I just thought she came off a little rude.”

“Yeah, I won’t deny that,” Pearl shrugged, “I promise she’s great though. I really like her.”

“That’s what really matters,” Kim gave Pearl a smile, which she returned.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone Max, you just gotta give it time,” Pearl told her. Max looked like she wanted to argue but just accepted that it was what it was.

“What about the rest of you,” Pearl addressed the rest of them, “Anyone special?”

“Nope, single forever,” Trixie sighed.

“That’s just because you’re too busy pining for Katya to notice anyone else,” Kim told her.

“Kim,” Trixie groaned, “I’m not pining for Katya, I know she would never go for me.”

“Pining,” Kim sing-songed at her.

“At least I have a love interest, I don’t think you’ve ever had one,” Trixe snapped back.

Kim shrugged, “No one’s really caught my eye. I know I’m ace but I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually aro too.”

“Maybe just demi,” Sasha piped up as all their eyes turned to her.

“Demi?” Kim asked, clearly confused.

“It’s like you need to feel a strong platonic connection before you begin to feel anything romantic. I have a friend like that,” she explained.

“I’ve never heard of that, but yeah maybe,” Kim considered it. 

“What about you Sasha. Anyone special in your life?” Trixie asked and Shea was glad she did because it was something she had been curious about. 

Sasha looked a little uncomfortable but she still answered, “Not at the moment no.” No one pressed her further which she looked grateful for. Shea wondered briefly if she was homophobic at all but she didn't seem uncomfortable when the other girls talked, only when the question was directed at her.

“I’m single too, thanks for asking,” Shea informed them.

Trixie rolled her eyes, “That’s probably because your straight ass spends a suspicious time around lesbians,” she put air quotes around straight making the group laugh.

“Bisexuals too,” Pearl chimed in.

Trixie waved her away, “Yeah same but gay enough to still be relevant.”

“You’re just Katya-sexual though so not that relevant. Wait how straight is Shea exactly, I was sure her and Dida were hooking up.” Kim asked, seeming genuinely confused. 

“Um I’m right here,” Shea pointed out, “People thought Dida and I were hooking up? Friendship goals,” she smiled.

“I’m so confused now,” Trixie said and they all nodded in agreement, before changing the subject when Shea didn’t offer any more T on the situation.

They talked for a while longer. Sasha fitting into their conversation easily, though they had to give her some background for certain things. Eventually they decided it was late and they should get going. Shea hugged all her friends goodbye, making everyone promise to text her when they got back to their rooms.

“Yes mom,” Trixie teased.

“Nevermind don’t text me Trix, I don’t care if you get home safe.” Trixie laughed and followed Kim out. 

Once everyone had left Shea let out a long breath, “Sorry if they stayed too long, I don’t think any of them know when to leave,” Shea apologized.

Sasha waved her off, “No they’re really nice it was nice talking with you all. You have such a genuine friendship,” she commented.

Shea smiled, “Yeah they’re all great.” She grabbed her makeup bag, “I’m gonna go get ready for bed.”

“Have fun,” Sasha teased. Shea laughed before heading to the bathrooms. She washed her face and brushed her teeth before wrapping her hair for the night. She changed into her pajamas and headed back to the room. Sasha was laying in her bed reading with her bedside light turned on. She offered to turn it off if Shea wanted to sleep.

“Nah it’s fine. I won’t go to sleep for a minute anyways,” Shea told her.

They both laid in silence, Sasha reading her book and Shea browsing her phone. Eventually Sasha turned off her light. “Night Shea,” she said softly.

“Night,” Shea returned before plugging in her phone and getting comfortable. It didn’t take her too long to fall asleep.


	3. Living in a World of Fantasies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That wasn’t really the problem though. Sasha could admire the beauty of others without feeling attracted to them. Most of her friend group were beautiful queer girls and she hadn’t even thought about hooking up with them. The problem was her undeniable connection with Shea. In not even a month of knowing her it felt like a lifetime. Even though she didn’t know this huge part of Sasha’s life, she still knew about almost everything else. They related on a personal level that Sasha had never experienced with anyone else before. They could talk for hours on end and Sasha had never had a friend like her. Sure she had closer friends but no one she’d ever had this much of a connection with upon first meeting them.
> 
> In which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college and Sasha is a useless lesbian who doesn't want Shea to know that and Shea is just trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a minute. School has started full time for me again and I'm still working, but I'm going to try to update like every other week. I also have a few other projects I'm working on as well. I'm going to try to finish this before I start any other chaptered works though. Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Sasha’s day to day routine was becoming second nature now. Almost a month into school and she finally felt like she had it down pat. It wasn’t necessarily hard, school had never been hard for her, but it was a lot. It required a delicate balance and Sasha could admit she was struggling with it a little. She hadn’t even visited Bob’s since school started.

It felt strange to her to be so close to home but also be completely cut off from it. She texted her dad every day and still sent snaps and memes to all her friends, but it wasn’t the same. She knew they missed her and she missed them, but she had to have her priorities in order if she wanted to be successful, which was definitely something she intended to be.

The way her schedule was set up, she consistently had 8am classes. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world because it meant she had plenty of time after her classes to get stuff done. She had fell into a routine of going to classes, studying and working out.

Spending time with Shea had become a constant as well. They got food and studied together almost every day. Shea understood her dark sense of humor and they could talk for hours on end. Sasha found herself getting less sleep at night because they would just stay up talking for hours. Luck was on her side with getting Shea as a roommate and now friend.

She had also been adopted into Shea’s friend group in a way. They spent a fair amount of time together and would always invite her when they met up for coffee or to study. She got along with all of them well considering they had just met. She even had a class with Trixie. The two of them sat in the back and made snide comments back and forth, trying to hide their obvious laughter.

She’d made friends in her other classes too. Given that she’d taken a lot of her general classes back in high school, she could jump straight into her major classes which had more upperclassmen in them. It was nice to be surrounded by people who cared about what they were majoring in and who probably wouldn’t be switching out anytime soon.

Her professors had been great too. Choosing a smaller, liberal arts college had been the right decision for her. She had professors that cared about their students for both her majors and it showed in how they taught. It was a completely different world from high school and she loved it. Raja, one of her art professors, was her absolute favorite. It was one of her 8am classes but she engaged the class still. Raja wasn’t too thrilled about the time either, always rushing in five minutes late, looking unruly in contrast to all of her pictures online. She made the class fun and Sasha was learning a lot from her even if it was an early class.

All in all, her life was going extremely well, but it could be better. Since coming out, Sasha had no intention of ever going back in the closet. Yet here she was, living her dreams but constantly feeling worried about her secret coming out. She hadn’t really admitted it to herself yet but the main reason she hadn’t gone to Bob’s was because she was embarrassed to admit how insecure she’d been. Those people were her family and she didn’t want to let them down.

So she kept that part of her life to herself and she threw herself into school and her new friends. It was almost too easy to keep it a secret. She tended to keep to herself anyway and was more reserved especially around new people. That meant it wasn’t a problem as long as no one who really knew her saw her.

She had managed to successfully avoid Dusty and Aquaria the whole time she’d been on campus. With both of them being in completely different majors she didn’t have to worry about having classes with them. Every time one of them asked to meet up with her it was easy enough to make an excuse about classes and whatnot. They knew how serious she was about school so it wasn’t that much of a lie, but she knew she could only keep up the rouse for so long. Luckily she knew they both had their own love lives to worry about which kept them fairly occupied for the time being.

Sasha sighed as her class was dismissed early. She hadn’t really been paying attention for most of it but she figured it couldn’t be too important. She could always ask one of her classmates for the notes if she needed to. It was her last class of the day and it was nearing lunchtime. She knew Shea had a break about now so she sent her a text asking if she wanted to meet up for lunch. They ate together pretty much every day sometimes multiple times a day depending on how their schedules lined up. It was nice having a friend she could always meet up with. Not that she minded eating alone but she didn’t mind the company either.

Shea responded quickly, saying that she’d meet her in the dining hall by Sasha’s class in five minutes. Sasha headed into the hall to find seats and grab her food while she waited for Shea. She had already started eating her salad when Shea walked in spotting her quickly, her face lighting up as she made her way over.

“Hey girl,” she greeted, setting her stuff down, “I’m absolutely starving, I’ll be back soon,” she made her way to pile her plate with food before returning to the table and digging in.

They chatted about their days and how much Shea couldn’t stand her mean design professor. “She bullied someone into dropping out the first week of classes. People are only staying in because they have to, and of course she’s supposedly the best teacher in the department. I think that’s bull,” Shea complained.

Sasha frowned, “You’ll have to give her an awful review at the end of the semester then,” she felt bad since she loved all of her professors.

Shea nodded, “I’m sure everyone has but everyone probably does well enough in the class for it to not make a difference.”

Sasha gave her a sympathetic look and they continued on with their meal. Shea telling her about the hot guy from her classes that was now hitting on her. Sasha felt some type of way about it. She knew it was jealousy but she couldn’t tell if she was jealous of the guy or that Shea could talk so openly about her love life. Sasha knew that was her own fault though and not really Shea’s. She kept quiet as Shea talked about it. Focusing a little too much on her food. Shea didn’t seem to pick up on it though, or if she did she didn’t comment on it which Sasha was grateful for.

Sasha changed the subject to Trixie once she was done, “She was texting Katya literally all period. It’s getting hard to watch. The poor girl is so in love that Katya has to know it doesn’t she?”

Shea shrugged, “You’d think but from what I’ve heard she’s either completely oblivious or just doesn’t want to hurt Trixie’s feelings.”

“It’s so sad. I really want to meet her. Trixie talks about her like she’s the whole world but I’d like to see for myself.” Sasha felt for the girl. At least Katya liked girls according to Trixie. Maybe that wasn’t great though because it made Trixie feel like she had more of a chance and Sasha didn’t want to see her hurt.

“Yeah I wouldn’t mind meeting her either so I can give her a piece of my mind,” Shea joked.

“That’s probably why she doesn’t want anyone meeting her. She’s afraid you’ll tell Katya all her secrets,” Sasha said, only half kidding.

Shea looked mock offended, “I would never. Kim on the other hand.”

“I wouldn’t put it past either of you, whether it’s on purpose or not. Clearly it means a lot to Trixie so I’m assuming if we do ever meet her it will be unplanned.”

Shea nodded as they stood up to put their plates away. “Do you want to go to the library to study with me? I have a quiz this afternoon that I need to review for.”

“Yeah, I’ll help you review if you need me to,” she offered, holding the door open for Shea to follow her out.

“You’re honestly the best. I don’t know what I would do without you,” Shea beamed giving her hand a quick squeeze. It was something Sasha had a hard time getting used to at first. Shea was definitely a touchy feely kind of friend. She loved to braid Sasha’s hair when they were talking or rest her head on her shoulder when they were watching Netflix. Sasha didn’t read too much into it though. This was how she was with her other friends too so it didn’t mean anything more than friendship.

They reached their favorite library quickly. It was on a far corner of campus and it was rarely busy. Typically they were the only ones in there which was nice. They never had trouble finding a study room.

They spent about an hour with Sasha quizzing Shea on the content. It was just for a general English class so none of the content was hard necessarily it was just a lot of memorization. At this point Shea pretty much had it down pat and they were just goofing around when Sasha heard her name being called. She turned around to see Aquaria standing there with an awkward smile on her face.

“Oh hey Aqua,” Sasha felt obligated to invite Aquaria to join them since she was one of her oldest friends. She had gone to school with Aquaria since she moved to New York. She had stayed by her side when Aquaria got kicked out of her home for being gay. The two were close friends and at some points in their relationship a little more. Sasha was a little relieved to see her friend but at the same time she didn’t really want her and Shea to interact.

Aquaria looked awkward as she moved to stand at the edge of the table but she smiled at her friend, “I thought you’d dropped off the face of the earth. I haven’t seen you since we’ve been here.”

Sasha felt bad but she plastered a fake smile on her face, “Yeah I know, school’s been kicking my ass. Basically all I do is go to class and study.”

Aquaria seemed to accept her answer, nodding sympathetically.

“Hey,” Shea interjected, “You’re in Miss Del Rio’s class aren’t you?” she asked Aquaria.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “What a bitch honestly,” she giggled, “sorry for not introducing myself, I’m Aquaria,” she had a worried loom on her face probably hoping that she didn’t insult Shea’s favorite teacher.

Shea took her extended hand, “I’m Shea, Sasha’s roommate.”

Aquaria nodded in understanding, still awkwardly standing at the end of their table.

“You can sit if you want, were just pretending to study at this point,” Sasha offered, noticing how she eyed Shea uncomfortably. Aquaria had never been good around strangers. It took forever for her to get comfortable with Sasha and now she never stopped talking but at first she hardly said anything.

Shea seemed to pick up on the tension, “I actually am going to head out. I want to get coffee before my quiz and I know how obnoxious those lines can be. I’ll see you back in the room,” she said goodbye to Sasha, “Nice actually meeting you, I’m glad I’m not the only one who can’t stand Miss Del Rio,” she addressed Aquaria before heading out to the coffee shop.

Aquaria took her seat once she had left, “So that’s why you’ve been MIA then?” she raised a perfectly plucked brow.

Sasha rolled her eyes, “I’ve genuinely been busy. Adjusting to college hasn’t been a breeze,” she defended herself.

Aquaria put her hands up, surrendering, “It hasn’t been easy for me either and you’d know that had you been around.”

Sasha looked at the ground, guilt starting to eat at her, “I’m sorry Aqua, I really am. This has been a new beginning for me and I know I’ve been focusing so much on that that I left you and the others behind. I have to do better, I know.”

Aquaria gave her a sympathetic look, “We just miss you is all. It’s not the same there without you.”

Sasha nodded, “I miss everyone so much honestly.”

“You should come Saturday for open mic,” Aquaria pushed excitedly, “There’s a new girl that’s been coming and she’s absolutely amazing I think you’ll like her a lot.”

Sasha smiled back feeling Aquaria’s enthusiasm rubbing off onto her, “That sounds great, I’ll try to be there.”

Aquaria’s eyes narrowed, “You’ll try to be there or you will be there?” she pressed.

Sasha sighed, she really couldn’t put this off for any longer. It was truly shocking that she’d managed to go this long without going to the bar. “I’ll be there,” she decided, reveling in the genuine smile she got from Aquaria. Her friend had been through a lot and seeing her happy always lifted Sasha’s spirits.

“You can bring your roomie if you want,” Aquaria suggested.

Even the thought of doing that terrified Sasha. She was sure Shea and the rest of the girls would enjoy it especially since most of them were queer. It was different with Shea though because Sasha had to share a room with her for the rest of the year and Shea was straight. She didn’t want anything to be uncomfortable. She didn’t fall for straight girls, she knew better, but she would be lying if she said she had no attraction to Shea. Physically she was gorgeous. She pulled off every look she tried and Sasha envied her confidence.

That wasn’t really the problem though. Sasha could admire the beauty of others without feeling attracted to them. Most of her friend group were beautiful queer girls and she hadn’t even thought about hooking up with them. The problem was her undeniable connection with Shea. In not even a month of knowing her it felt like a lifetime. Even though she didn’t know this huge part of Sasha’s life, she still knew about almost everything else. They related on a personal level that Sasha had never experienced with anyone else before. They could talk for hours on end and Sasha had never had a friend like her. Sure she had closer friends but no one she’d ever had this much of a connection with upon first meeting them.

“I’m not sure if it would be her scene,” she decided on saying.

Aquaria frowned, “Is she homophobic or something? You two seemed to get on so well I can’t imagine that she would be.”

Sasha shook her head, “It’s a little complicated. She doesn’t know I’m gay.”

“She is homophobic then?” Aquaria looked confused.

“I don’t think so. She has a lot of gay friends and seems completely okay with them, but it’s different with me because we’re roommates. I just don’t want to make her uncomfortable,” Sasha explained.

Aquaria didn’t look any less confused, “Why would you being gay make her uncomfortable. If it did that would be her problem to deal with. The only issue would be if you’re attracted to her.”

Sasha hated that Aquaria could see right through her, “I’m not like in love with her or anything but she’s stunning it would be hard not to notice that.”

She didn’t miss the eye roll that Aquaria gave her. “That’s not how you are though. There’s plenty of beautiful girls that you don’t feel anything for but with her there’s something else or else you’d have just come out no problem,” Aquaria pointed out.

The thing was both girls were confident in their sexuality no matter how scary it had been. Aquaria came out to her family hoping against all odds that they would accept her or at least try to but they didn’t. Sasha came out to her Russian dad and it wasn’t easy at first but she knew she had to live her life being authentically her. And this, this was not doing that.

“You’re right,” Sasha gave in, “I hate that I don’t know what to do about it,” she sighed.

“I think you should just tell her. It’s only going to get harder the longer you wait,” Aquaria suggested. She was right, Sasha knew this but it didn’t make it easier. “I also think you should come to the bar and talk about it with your closest friends. It’ll help you more than you think.”

That was the truth. Their bar family had taken Aquaria in when no one would. Sharon had essentially taken the role as her mother, letting Aquaria move in with her. Most people though it was a sugar mama type of deal but Sasha knew it wasn’t. It was a woman who had been ostracized by her family for being gay taking in a girl who had been in the same situation. The difference was that Sharon hadn’t had anyone to do that for her when she was young and she didn’t want to see anyone else go through that.

“I know it will. You guys are the best form therapy for me right now,” Sasha agreed. It was time for her to face the music and her fears.

Aquaria beamed at her before getting up, “I need to get to class now but I’m texting everyone that’ll you’ll be there so now they can hold you accountable too.”

Sasha chuckled, “Thanks for having faith in me.”

Aquaria winked before disappearing from Sasha’s view. A sigh escaped Sasha’s lips. It was going to be difficult explaining why she hadn’t been around in a month. Even though she knew that no matter how long she was gone, they’d be there to welcome her back with open arms. There were still some nerves she couldn’t shake, but she knew they would have her best interests in the end and give her good advice.

~

Saturday came quicker than Sasha was prepared for. As it got later, she got more nervous. She was getting ready in her room. Shea was away somewhere with her friends, they’d invited Sasha, but she told them she had a paper to finish. She was glad to have the room to herself for the time being, it would have been difficult to explain where she was going and why Shea couldn’t come.

She was putting a final coat of lipstick on her lips when Shea, Kim and Trixie stumbled in, laughing loudly. They had clearly already started pregaming. It was evident by the flushes on their faces and them talking over each other even more loudly than usual. Sasha laughed at the sight of them. “It’s not even eight yet. Are you guys even going to be able to make it to wherever you’re going?”

Shea plopped down beside her and plucked the lipstick from her hand, “This shade is seriously the bomb. Do you think it would look good on me?” she held the tube close to her lips and puckered them dramatically.

Sasha rolled her eyes and tried not to let them linger on Shea’s lips, “Girl please you know everything looks good on you,” she snatched the lipstick back without any difficulty given Shea’s reflexes were pretty much non-existent when she was tipsy.

“Don’t compliment her, it’ll just go to her head and then she’ll think she’s somebody when we’re out tonight,” Kim joked to which Trixie let out a scream of laughter.

Shea flipped them both off before turning back to Sasha again, “You’re all dolled up. Did you change your mind about coming out with us?” she asked hopefully.

Sasha shook her head, “I’m actually meeting up with some friends. You remember Aquaria?” Shea nodded. “Well she managed to convince me to meet up with her and a few of our other high school friends tonight,” she explained.

Shea pouted, “Lame, you should totally come out with us instead.”

“Next time,” Sasha promised, giving Shea’s shoulder a squeeze. “I gotta get going, enjoy your night,” she waved bye to the two other girls before leaving the room and heading to the place that had become her second home over the years.

She arrived at the bar a little before it opened. She texted Bob letting her know she was outside and waited to be let in. The first time she had come to Look Queen was in her sophomore year of High School. She, Aquaria and Brianna had managed to sneak in. Though they didn’t really sneak in at all since it was Brianna’s mom that owned the place. They did however sneak drinks. Back then she had no idea how much this place would become home to her. She remembered feeling humiliated when one of the resident queens called her out for being too hairy, that was back in her unibrow days and she was still struggling with accepting her sexuality so having any attention on her terrified her.

The queen later apologized and snuck Sasha drinks. After that night the trio would go there every weekend. Sometimes they were joined by Brianna’s sister Monet and Dusty but mostly it was just them. They all had a close bond as they were in the same boat with figuring out their sexuality, which had led to some experimentation over the years. While Sasha cared for both girls, she never really had romantic feelings for either of them. Not the way they had for each other, or at least the way Aquaria had for Brianna.

She was greeted at the door by Peppermint, the vibrant woman smiled excitedly and pulled her in for a squeeze. “Sasha, girl it has been too long.”

Sasha knew she’d be in for these reactions the whole night, “I know, I know, school and all,” was all she offered for an explanation.

“We’re gonna talk more later,” Peppermint told her, “But right now you’re gonna go get a drink and apologize to Bob for making her worry.”

Sasha nodded guiltily and followed her inside. It was no surprise that the place hadn’t changed. Still brightly colored with glitter everywhere. Still smelling like booze. The mural she’d painted still covering the far wall. And still feeling like home. Sasha smiled at everyone when she walked in. Most of the people she was closest to would hang out before Bob opened to the public, either talking or preparing for their show. This particular night was open mic night which basically meant everything goes. Sasha frequently did spoken word there, it helped tremendously with her confidence and she enjoyed doing it. She hadn’t yet decided if she wanted to do anything that night, if she did it would just have to be a classic from her repertoire. One she could recite in her sleep.

Bob stood behind the counter of the bar, tidying up and making sure things were in the right place. Brianna was sitting on the counter, chatting animatedly with her sister when she spotted Sasha come in. “Sasha!” She yelled, jumping down from the counter and running to give Sasha a huge hug.

“Hey,” Sasha greeted the armful of blonde hair. Monet walked over to them as well, giving her greeting too.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” Alexis glanced up from the magazine she was reading to give Sasha a smile.

Bob seemed to be purposely ignoring her, which she understood. Since she’d been coming there Bob had taken such a motherly role in her life. She had sat and listened to all of Sasha’s worries and helped her come in to herself. She was the first person Sasha told about her acceptance into Charles and she had set up a bar night in celebration, with all the tips they had received that night going into Sasha’s college fund.

Bob meant the world to her and she felt awful that she had let her down. She slowly made her way over to Bob, knowing it was best to just rip off the band aid. “Do you need any help setting up?” she asked, in lieu of a greeting once she’d reached the counter.

“No I’m mostly done with everything,” Bob shrugged, stopping what she was doing to turn to Sasha. “Do you need any help?” she returned the question.

Sasha sighed, “I know I haven’t been around in a while, but the truth is that I’ve just been caught up in the new world at school and the longer I stayed away the more I felt bad about coming back,” she admitted.

Bob’s hard stare softened a little, “Aquaria told me about your roommate thing,” she told Sasha.

“Well there’s that too,” Sasha smiled sheepishly.

“I can’t tell you what to do, but just know that I’ll go rough a bitch up if I need to,” Bob informed her. It was said like a joke but Sasha knew he was completely serious. Sure Bob wouldn’t actually hurt anyone but she would for sure go have an intimidating conversation with anyone who disapproved of Sasha.

“I know that. And I know she wouldn’t disapprove of my sexuality but I’m worried she might pick up on whatever feelings I have towards her,” she explained.

Bob nodded in understanding, “And those feelings are romantic? Or at least more than platonic?” she pressed.

Sasha shrugged, “Yeah I guess. I don’t really know how to categorize them but they’re there and they probably won’t be going anywhere so I’ll just have to learn how to deal with them for this year.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to force yourself back in the closet for a year,” Bob pointed out.

“At least until I figure out how to tell her. She’s such a good friend now that it complicates things more for sure.”

“Maybe if you found yourself a lovely gal it would make it easier. Both in getting over her and coming out to her,” Brianna interrupted their conversation.

It wasn’t a bad idea, but no one had caught Sasha’s eye in a long time. She wasn’t necessarily picky when it came to people, but her personality didn’t jive well with everyone’s and that could cause trouble for her love life.

“Maybe,” Sasha offered. Brianna shrugged and got in position behind the counter. Bob went over to open the doors signifying that the conversation was over, at least for the time being.

People began to file into the bar. Brianna handed her a gin and tonic with a wink before getting to work. Sasha made her way over to where Dusty was chatting with Alexis. She easily slid into conversation with them while slowly sipping on her drink and waiting for the open mic to start. “Are you gonna perform tonight?” Dusty questioned.

“I’m not sure yet,” Sasha told her. The bar was filling up quickly with lots of familiar faces and some new ones. She saw Aquaria at the bar with a girl she didn’t recognize. They were getting drinks from Brianna. She briefly wondered if Aquaria was with the stranger to make Bri jealous, however she didn’t look too phased, chatting happily with them while she shook their drinks.

Once the bar had started buzzing with people Thorgy took to the stage to announce sign-ups for the open mic. Sasha watched as a bunch of eager people rushed to sign up while others stayed behind wanting to get their courage up before signing up, which meant doing shots.

The line would die down in a bit and she would probably sign up whenever that happened. She was deciding on what piece she wanted to do when she was interrupted from her thoughts by someone bumping into her.

“I’m so sorry,” the girl apologized, reaching a hand out to steady her. “Oh hey Sasha, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Of course it was Pearl that had bumped into her.

“Yeah, this place was kind of like my hangout in high school so I’m just visiting with everyone,” she explained. It wasn’t a lie really, just not the whole truth.

“That’s crazy, I’ve been coming here with Vi recently I love it,” Pearl responded in her soothing voice.

“I’m just now realizing that your girlfriend is Violet Chachki.” Sasha didn’t know why it took her so long to put it together. Violet and Fame had been coming there almost as long as she had. She always though there was something between them, but maybe they were just close friend.

“Yeah. You know her? I guess you’ve never been around when she is so I never thought about it,” Pearl shook her head, “That’s weird though,” she lamented.

They talked for a while and Sasha found out that Pearl was originally from New York, but she moved to Chicago after she finished high school early to live with her dad and go to beauty school. Thankfully she hadn’t asked about Sasha’s sexuality yet or mentioned it if she already knew. Hopefully she wouldn’t say anything to Shea. Sasha didn’t want to risk anything by asking her not to so she just kept her mouth shut.

Violet came over to join them and they had a commentary about all of the people on the stage. Some were awful but there was one girl who did a spoken word about having the same parts as the boys who flirted with her. Everyone found it to be hilarious. It was early in the night so most people were lackluster or regulars that Sasha had seen many a times.

One girl, however, caught her eye. It was the girl that had been talking to Aquaria earlier. Sasha recognized her when she stepped out onto the stage but she had no idea what to expect. The girl was confident as she graced the stage. She didn’t even announce her name before she launched into a rap about being an art god. Sasha stood mesmerized the whole time. The girl was articulate and enchanting and Sasha was hooked on her every word. When it was over Sasha clapped loudly along with the rest of the crowd. The girl smiled widely and exited the stage.

“Did you guys catch her name?” She asked Violet and Pearl, eager to know who the mystery girl was.

“Oh, that’s Aja. She’s been coming these past few weeks. She’s a huge hit,” Violet filled her in.

“She’s incredible,” Sasha told them.

“Yeah she’s been really good every time we’ve seen her,” Pearl agreed.

Watching the performance left Sasha feeling inspired, “I’m going to go sign up for a spot. I’ll see you guys later,” Sasha waved at them before going to put her name on the list. After she’d signed up she went to get another drink for good measure. She figured she wouldn’t drink anymore until after she went and she would be fine.

She went to find Aquaria and hopefully find out more about Aja. Aquaria was sitting with Dusty and Yuhua, the latter loudly laughing at something. She greeted them all before taking a seat.

“Have you signed up yet?” Aquaria asked.

Sasha nodded, “I just did,” she told them, “I was feeling really inspired after Aja’s performance. Is that the newbie you were talking about?”

“Yeah,” Aquaria said excitedly, “Wasn’t she amazing? I knew you’d like her.”

“She was great,” Sasha smiled, “Is she around anywhere? I’d like to compliment her.”

“Hm, I think she’s off with her friends somewhere. Probably smoking in the bathroom honestly. I’ll introduce you guys later,” Aquaria promised, “but in the meantime let’s do some shots!” Dusty and Yuhua agreed happily.

“Save mine for after I go please,” Sasha laughed, “I’m not going through that mess again.”

The others laughed, “We would love to see that again though,” Dusty joked.

Sasha rolled her eyes as Aquaria went to get them shots. She cheered for the others while they took them. It wasn’t long before her name was being called to go. The others wished her luck while she took the stage.

She mainly just did spoken word about whatever was on her mind. This particular piece was something she wrote while coming to terms with her sexuality. It was one of her favorites and it related to her just as much now as it did back then. Especially since she’d pretty much entered the closet again. She briefly worried about Pearl hearing it, but it wasn’t too obviously about her being gay. Pearl didn’t seem like the kind of person to care all that much or sell her out, so she decided to go for it.

She always blanked when she performed. She couldn’t really tell how the audience reacted during because she was so in the moment. Once it was over she would come back to her senses but something about performing made her a completely different person. It was good though, she supposed, because back in her stage fright days she was just in a state of fear the whole time.

Once she was done the crowd cheered for her. Her friends shouts being louder than the others and she felt warm and happy. She loved this group of people more than anything else and she had no idea how she managed to stay away from them for so long.

Aquaria greeted her with a shot once she got off the stage, which she took with no hesitation. “C’mon, I think I saw Aja by the bar,” Aquaria tugged her arm, leading her to Aja and her friends.

“Aja,” Aquaria called loudly to get her attention.

“Sis,” Aja smiled turning her attention to them, “And you’re Sasha. I’ve heard so much about you,” she said, eying Sasha up and down before offering her a warm smile.

“You too,” Sasha responded, “Everyone’s been telling me about you.”

“You too. I was starting to think you weren’t real,” Aja joked, “I’m glad you are though. You’re spoken word was brilliant for real. I used to feel exactly the same way it was weird hearing it in someone else’s words,” she complimented.

Sasha blushed, “Thank you so much. You were the amazing one though. Your flow was insane and so natural I have no idea how you do it.”

Aja grinned proudly, “Lots of practice,” she admitted.

“You’re seriously talented. I can’t wait to see more of your work.”

“Yours too. I heard you do art as well?” Aja inquired.

Sasha nodded, “Yeah, it’s actually one of my majors.”

“That’s so cool!” Aja exclaimed, “I’d love to see it sometime.”

Sasha pointed to a mural that took up the back wall of the bar, “That’s actually my work over there,” she explained.

Aja’s eyes went wide, “You did that? It’s always caught my eye when I come in, I had no idea it was yours.”

Sasha nodded sheepishly, “Yeah Bob had me do it once she found out I painted. It was a good project for me, I’m glad I was able to add to the environment of this place.”

“For sure,” Aja agreed, “You want a drink?” she offered.

“Sure, I’d love one,” Sasha agreed. She spent the rest of her night drinking with Aja. They traded stories and compliments. Relating with someone on an artistic level was so refreshing. Sure she had her classmates but it was less intimidating this way. It was nice to have an informal and relaxed artistic conversation without the pressure of grades and being better than everyone else. It was incredibly chill talking to Aja and they shared the same humor. She was disappointed when the bar started to close and they had to leave. She walked out with Aja and her friends, making sure they got in their uber safely before making her way back into the bar.

Luckily she had exchanged numbers with Aja before they got too drunk. She definitely wanted to talk to her more. She made her way over to Bob to talk with her while she closed up.

“You and Aja hit it off then?” Bob asked.

Sasha nodded happily, “Yeah, she’s super chill and very talented like wow I’ve never met anyone like her,” she tried to explain, fumbling over her words a little.

Bob laughed, “Everyone knew you guys would get along, I’m glad you finally met.”

“Me too,” Sasha hummed in agreement. Bob finished cleaning for the night and offered Sasha a ride home which she accepted quickly.

The ride back was fairly quiet, Sasha beginning to get sleepy. Bob dropped her off at her dorm and got out to give her a hug goodbye. “I’m glad you came back,” she told her after letting go.

“Me too. I could never stay away long,” Sasha said. “Text me when you get back.”

“I will,” Bob agreed even though they both knew Sasha would be fast asleep. “Love you kiddo,” Bob told her before getting back in the car.

“Love you too,” Sasha called, watching Bob pull away and then walking into her dorm. She fumbled a little with the key to her room but she managed to get in successfully. She noticed Shea was already asleep when she got in. Her makeup still on her face and she was snoring softly. Sasha chuckled at the sight before climbing into bed and passing out quickly.


	4. I Wish I Didn't Like it so Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shea expected to make lots of good friends and memories in her time in college, but she never expected someone like Sasha. She’d spent a majority of her time with Sasha. Not just because they shared a room, they had spent so much time together outside of that. Shea had always had a lot of acquaintances who some would view as her friends but she rarely got close with anyone. Sasha was something different though and Shea couldn't put a finger on it.
> 
> In which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college and Sasha is a useless lesbian who doesn't want Shea to know that and Shea is just trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter. I swear stuff will start happening soon but this is gonna be slowburn, like high quality candle slow burning so be patient with me. Hope y'all enjoy!

Shea sat in the campus pavilion, sketching a new design. She was supposed to be working on a dress for an assignment, but she couldn’t focus entirely on it at the moment, so she just decided to go with whatever came to her naturally. Her pencil strokes were soft on the page, the breeze hindering her slightly, but instead of working against it, she let it guide her.

October had just begun and there was a slight chill to the air. It wasn’t as windy as Chicago and she knew it would get colder. To Shea this was the perfect weather. She was relishing in the bit of warmth left in the air. In about a month she wouldn’t be able to get any of her work done outdoors so she was taking advantage of it while she could.

She smiled at her design, just a simple skirt that she had added her own flare to. It was adorned with huge eyeballs and lips. It was very her and it was perfect. She looked at the time and sighed. Her little break had to come to an end if she didn’t want to be late and face the wrath of Miss Del Rio.

The woman wasn’t nearly as intimidating as Shea had once thought. She actually proved to be helpful when Shea was struggling with the construction of a mermaid dress. She went to her office hours and was surprised that the woman actually pulled out a sewing machine and showed her the best way to do it. She was patient and worked with Shea until she got it. She was still a little scared of the woman though, so it was best to be on time.

She took her usual seat closer to the back when she arrived and waited for the class to begin. It was mostly just to talk about their midterm project, which was coming up soon. Designing three distinct ball looks which they would actually have to create for their final. Shea had already begun working on it but she had a long way to go before she would be happy with it.

The class was dismissed and she had to rush straight to her last on of the day. It was a simple history of fashion class. It surprisingly was one of her favorite classes, she liked learning about trends throughout history and the professor was a dedicated woman who seemed to enjoy what she was teaching. Mrs. Royale always had a positive attitude and the students all loved her. Shea had also made a good friend in the class. Naomi Smalls had the look and attitude of a model but when Shea met her on the first day she was shy and intimidated by the whole college experience.

They sat together in the back and decided to be partners for the awkward introductions they had to do. Since then they had partnered up on everything they had to do for the class. She shared one other class with Naomi and they were in the same sewing course just in different units. Naomi always ranted about the weird professor she got who told them about the time she found a dead body on the first day of class.

She got to the class just in time, smiling at Mrs. Royale before taking her seat beside Naomi, who was too focused on her phone to even notice Shea had come in.

Shea snapped her fingers in front of Naomi, causing her to jump. “Bitch, you scared me,” she lightly shoved Shea while Shea tried not to burst into laughter.

“What are you so distracted by anyways?” Shea asked her.

Naomi handed over her phone to Shea to show her the Instagram she was looking at. “There’s this designer who goes here. I think she’s a sophomore, I don’t have any classes with her, but holy shit her designs are flawless. I’ve never seen someone so talented,” she gushed.

Shea scrolled through the designs, they were indeed amazing but she couldn’t contain her laughter. Naomi snatched the phone back, “It’s not funny. She’s really good. Much better than you.”

Shea gave her a dirty look before explaining, “I’m not denying her talent, but she’s also the worst.”

“You know her?” Naomi furrowed her brows.

“That’s one of my best friends, Kim. We went to school in Chicago together,” Shea informed her.

Mrs. Royale cleared her throat, signaling the beginning of class. Shea and Naomi pretended to pay attention for about five minutes before deciding it was safe to talk again.

“I can’t believe you’re friends with her,” Naomi whispered, “She’s like seriously incredible I can’t even imagine being that talented in just a year.”

“She’s come a long way, trust,” Shea replied, “She used to be awful if I’m being honest. She would borrow Trixie’s makeup which was so not her shade or a good brand and she would buy ugly thrift store clothes and try to transform them. I think I have some pictures, hold on.” She searched through her photos for a few minutes before coming across it then she proudly showed it to Naomi.

Naomi covered her mouth to keep herself from cracking up. In the photo both Trixie and Kim had started experimenting with makeup. It was stage makeup too so it was even worse. Shea had stuck to natural and minimalistic looks at that time so she was slightly less embarrassing, but only slightly.

“That’s pure gold,” Naomi grinned, “I mean it just shows she’s come a long way though.”

Shea nodded in agreement, “True,” she stated before turning her attention back to the class. It was over pretty quickly. Even with the lecture setting it never dragged. Mrs. Royale knew how to keep the class engaged. Shea would genuinely be sad when the class was over. She’d become very fond of it.

“Wanna go grab some food?” she asked Naomi as they shoved their notebooks into their bags, “I can ask Kim to join,” she teased.

Naomi quickly shook her head, “Please don’t. I’ll just act like a fan girl. It’ll be very embarrassing.”

Shea laughed, “You’ll have to get over it at some point. I’m sure she’d love to hear the compliments,” she urged.

“I will at some point, just not today,” Naomi decided, “Besides, I’m going right now to study with Milk. You know he’s been asking about you a lot lately.”

Milk was a year above them. He was in the other class that they shared. No one really knew why he went by Milk, when Shea asked he simply told her that he was milky. He was an interesting character that was for sure. Always in weird makeup and outfits. Shea would still consider him attractive as would most people. Recently he’d taken a liking to Shea and kept trying to ask her out. She had politely turned him down saying that she wanted to focus on school this semester and not boys.

“He knows I’m not interested though,” Shea rolled her eyes.

“Doesn’t hurt to have options. He’s not a bad lay,” Naomi shrugged.

Shea raised her brows, “how would you know?”

“He and I hooked up like the first week of school. I’m not saying you have to date him, but having a fuck buddy isn’t the worst thing,” Naomi told her.

Shea was confused, “Aren’t you gay?” she asked. Naomi hit on her as well during the first week of school. Shea turned her down seeing as she was straight.

Naomi shrugged, “Mostly, at least romantically, but I don’t mind a guy now and again.”

Shea was learning a lot about sexuality in general by going to this school. She kind of wanted to take a class about it, there was lots of new terms she’d never heard. Of course she loved all of her friends unconditionally no matter how they identified. She did think it was interesting that all of her friends fell into the lgbtq+ category in some way. She considered herself to be an ally for them all, but she was now realizing that she had a lot to learn.

“That makes sense. I’m just not interested in anyone right now. I need to focus on myself,” Shea said.

“Suit yourself,” Naomi replied, “I gotta head out, see ya later girl,” she gave Shea’s hand a squeeze before sauntering away.

Shea rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone to text Trixie and Kim that she was going to head over to their dorm. She stopped at the café along the way to grab a salad. She was feeling generous so she also bought scones for herself, Kim and Trixie.

Their dorm was on the other side of campus from her own but she still went over there quite frequently. Since Kim and Trixie had decided to be roommates for the year it made more sense for their gatherings to be in their room.

Shea knocked on the door when she got there. “Come in,” she heard Trixie shout from inside.

“You know I could’ve been a serial killer,” she informed them opening the door.

“That’s what I was hoping for actually,” Trixie replied dryly.

Shea laughed before setting the food down, “Sorry to disappoint, but I did bring scones.”

“Yes,” Kim said excitedly hopping off the couch to go grab one.

Kim and Trixie’s room was much nicer than Shea’s. It had separate bedrooms and a bathroom along with the living area and kitchen. They knew to go for a nice apartment style dorm since it was their second year while Shea was just stuck in the freshman dorms.

They munched on the scones while talking about their days. Trixie was telling them a story about Katya, big surprise. She could hardly get the story out because she was laughing so loudly. Shea and Kim exchanged ‘is she for real looks’ that Trixie was too distracted to notice.

“Has anyone ever even met Katya? Like how do we know she’s actually real?” Shea questioned. Trixie looked offended.

“I mean she has a point,” Kim sided with Shea, “I also don’t think Trixie is clever enough to come up with these stories though. Maybe she’s just really ugly.”

Trixie snapped at that, “she’s not ugly, you’re ugly,” she accused. Shea and Kim just laughed in return. “Kandy’s met her,” Trixie offered finally.

“Who is Kandy?” Shea asked, confused.

“She was my roommate last year,” Trixie explained.

Shea was still confused, “You and Kim weren’t roommates freshman year?”

“Nah I didn’t want to deal with her, but she ended up spending an unfortunate amount of time with me anyways so I guess it didn’t work out,” Kim said, trying to dodge the show Trixie threw at her but ending up just losing her balance and falling off the chair. All three of them cracked up as Kim readjusted herself.

“Sure that’s how it went,” Trixie rolled her eyes, “Yeah Kandy was fine but we weren’t friends or anything. Katya spent a lot of time with me that year, helping me study and whatnot.”

“But she doesn’t come around anymore?” Shea pressed.

“I go over there mostly. It’s different this year, and I know you’ve all got these preconceived opinions on what kind of person she is and I don’t want to subject her to that,” Trixie told them with finality in her tone.

“We’re not going to try to fight her jeez Trix,” Kim argued.

Shea agreed, “Besides it’s not like Kim could fight anyone for shit, she’d just end up hurting herself.”

Trixie laughed a little at that, “I know. It’s just something I want to keep to myself for now.”

“Okay,” Shea agreed, dropping the subject before turning her attention back to Kim, “Who was your roommate then?”

“Chi Chi,” Kim supplied as if Shea was supposed to know who that was. “I actually miss her a lot, she transferred schools but she was my food buddy. She still sends me pics of all the new food she tries.”

“That sounds like a good match,” Shea giggled.

“Yeah it was. I think it worked out for both of us in the end, but I don’t mind living with Trix now, even if she leaves her shit everywhere,” Kim joked.

“I’m a blessing to your drab life bitch,” Trixie returned sending them all into a fit of laughter again.

“So I have some interesting news to share,” Shea announced after a beat of silence.

“You’re a lesbian?” Trixie guessed at the same time Kim said, “You’ve decided to drop out and move back to Chicago finally.”

Shea gave them both a look of bewilderment mixed with a little anger, “No,” she told Trixie, “Bitch what do you mean finally,” she asked Kim who just shrugged. “It’s more interesting than either of those.”

“I don’t see how it could be but go on,” Trixie urged her to continue.

“Apparently one of the girls in my program has a little stalker crush on Kim,” she told them.

Kim looked shocked. Trixie just cackled. “What do you mean by that exactly?” Kim asked her.

“She follows you on Instagram and she thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread,” Shea told her, “It’s actually really adorable.”

“Tell her I’ll give her an autograph if she wants,” Kim tried to hide her blush, “Or some kind of sewing or makeup tutorial.”

“She would probably love that. I’ll introduce you guys whenever I can trick her into it.”

Why would you need to trick her into it if she’s obsessed with Kim?” Trixie asked.

Shea shrugged, “I’m not really sure. Maybe she’s nervous about meeting her since she looks up to her so much. She probably wants to make sure she comes off as cool and collected.” 

“That makes sense,” Kim nodded, “I’ll be sure to call her out on it then.”

Shea leaned over to swat at her, “Don’t be too mean she’s one of the best friends I’ve made at this school.”

“Besides Sasha,” Trixie said knowingly.

Shea didn’t understand what she was getting at, “Well obviously, she’s my roomie.”

“We literally just talked about how we weren’t besties with our freshman year roommates though,” Trixie pointed out. Kim nodded in agreement.

“It’s not like you guys don’t like her too. She’s a cool person and a great friend,” Shea defended. Although she wasn’t quite sure what she was defending. Sasha? Their friendship? Why did she have to defend those things at all?

Trixie shrugged, “You’ve just gotten really close with her is all. I’ve never seen you that close with anyone, maybe just Dida and Vixen but even then I’m not entirely sure. Like I’d consider you to be one of my best friends but I don’t think you’re on the same wavelength.”

Shea could admit that hearing that stung a bit but she could see where Trixie was coming from, “I guess I just trust Sasha, which is rare for me. I’m the type of friend that will do anything for those I love. People have taken advantage of that in the past so I’ve closed myself off a lot because of it. I’m sorry if I made you guys feel like I was closing off to you too. It’s something I need to work on. I think my friendship with Sasha is helping that tremendously,” she tried to explain.

Trixie put a comforting hand on Shea’s shoulder, “You don’t need to explain yourself. I’m sorry for putting you on the spot.”

“It’s okay,” Shea sighed, “It actually was good to get that out. If it helps I do consider you guys to be my best friends. I’m really glad coming here helped me get to know you guys more, I feel like we were meant to be this little squad.”

“Aw she does care,” Kim fake cooed.

“Except for you,” Shea pretended to change her mind, “I still don’t like you.”

Kim rolled her eyes, “Same here.”

“Of course we can’t have one nice moment without it being ruined right after,” Trixie shook her head.

“It’s how we roll,” Kim laughed. Shea agreed, she was glad to have this friendship, as strange as it might be.

By the time Shea left Kim and Trixie’s it was already dark. She made her way back to her dorm quickly, not meandering as she often did. She just wanted to get back to her room and get some sleep for class the next day.

She was surprised to see that Sasha was out when she got back. It was pretty late and Sasha had class at 8 the next morning so she wondered where she could be. She had been wondering it for the past few weeks. Sasha seemed to be gone a lot more, especially on the weekends. She didn’t go out to parties with Shea anymore but she always went somewhere on the weekends.

She considered that Sasha might be dating someone but she never stayed the night elsewhere so maybe it was just some kind of hookup thing. She knew she could just ask Sasha. She doubted she would lie to her, but it wasn’t really her business. Something had been off about Sasha lately too. Just as Shea was really feeling a connection to her she seemed to draw away. Shea knew she was probably overthinking it although it seemed to be all connected in some way.

Shea was pulled from her thoughts when the girl in question walked into the room. She jumped a little out of surprise.

“Sorry,” Sasha told her, “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Nah it’s fine, just got lost in thought for a minute,” Shea replied.

“Don’t think too hard,” Sasha said, setting her things down on her desk.

Shea gave her a small smile, “I’m surprised you’re back so late, since you have such an early class.”

Sasha shrugged, “I’m a morning person so I’d be up anyways. Besides it’s Friday so I’ll have the weekend to relax.”

Shea nodded, “I don’t know how you do it girl,” she said in a fake casual tone, “I could never stay up late and get up that early. I think I’d actually die.”

“I mean I’m not dead so it’s doable,” Sasha quipped back.

“Technically maybe, but I’m not so sure,” Shea laughed, “What have you been up to anyways? It’s been lonely around here,” she tried to sound chill, she didn’t want to push Sasha into answering but her curiosity

Sasha looked like she was calculating an answer. Shea got even more worried, “Hanging out with old friends mainly. Seeing you with all your Chicago friends so much made me realize how much I missed mine,” she explained.

Shea felt relieved. Sasha seemed to be telling the truth so she didn’t want to press the matter any further. “We gotta do something soon. I’ve missed hanging out as just us. Roomie time is much needed.”

Sasha nodded, “Definitely,” she gave Shea a smile which she returned widely.

“What are you doing this weekend? We could probably go into the city and see what’s going on,” Shea suggested.

Sasha bit her lip, “I’m really sorry I already have plans. I swear we’ll get together soon though. To do something other than eating in the café or working out.”

Shea hid her sadness. Maybe she was wrong about being able to wear her emotions on her sleeve with the people here. It’s not like it was even a big deal. She wondered why it mattered so much to her. “No biggie I’m sure we’ll find time to do something this week,” she gave Sasha a smile before grabbing her shower things. She didn’t normally shower at night but she just wanted to get out of the room to think so a shower was the best option. “See ya,” she called, shutting the door behind her and heading to the showers.

Shea took her time. Usually she tried to get in and out as quickly as possible, not wanting to deal with the gross communal showers but right then she didn’t mind the alone time. She expected to make lots of good friends and memories in her time in college, but she never expected someone like Sasha. She’d spent a majority of her time with Sasha, not just because they shared a room, but they spent so much time together outside of that. Shea had always had a lot of acquaintances who some would view as her friends but she rarely got close with anyone. She had Dida and Vixen back home and now she had Trixie, Kim and Pearl.

Sasha was something different though and Shea couldn’t put a finger on it. She genuinely enjoyed spending time with Sasha and getting to know her. They had so much in common and they’d formed such a quick bond. She had no idea why Sasha was pulling away or even if she was. Maybe Shea was just getting too attached, it wouldn’t be the first time it had happened. Shea shook the negative thoughts from her head.

Sasha hanging out with her other friends was not a bad thing. Shea hung out with hers all the time and though they usually invited Sasha and they all got along well, Shea could see how it made Sasha feel like a bit of an outsider and Shea couldn’t blame her for wanting some familiarity. She figured it was just her overthinking it. She decided it was best to not corner Sasha but at the same time make more of an effort to spend time with her. She didn’t want to ruin this friendship, so she would continue to put in the efforts to help it grow.

When she got back to the room Sasha was sound asleep so she tried her best to keep quiet as she changed and got ready for bed. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. It was a rare occurrence for her, but one she was truly grateful for.

~

When she woke up the next morning after pressing the snooze button a few too many times. Sasha was already gone for her classes. Shea still had no idea how she wasn’t a zombie all the time. To each their own she figured. She rushed through her morning routine and rushed to her first class of the day. She had to turn in an assignment but that was really all that she needed to be in the class for so it wouldn’t hurt her too much to be a little late. All she got was a stern look from the professor while she was taking her seat.

After the class was over she checked her phone to see a text from Pearl asking her to meet with her in the library between classes. She fired back a text letting her know she was on her way before heading over. She found Pearl in a study room surprisingly with Max. They were laughing over something when she walked in. “Hey,” she greeted them, taking a seat across from Pearl.

“Thanks for coming, I brought you some coffee and a croissant,” Pearl pushed the bag and cup towards her.

Shea accepted the goodies but gave Peal a suspicious look, “Okay so you definitely want something from me.”

Pearl feigned innocence, “Or maybe I’m just being a nice person and all I want from you is the company.”

“Yeah sure,” Shea took a bite of her croissant.

“But there actually is a favor I wanted to ask about,” Pearl finally broke giving Shea a smile.

“I knew it,” Shea laughed, “What is it then?”

“It’s nothing big,” Pearl disclaimed, “I have a big project coming up for my production class and I need someone to record a song for me. I already wrote it, well Max and I did, but you have such a wonderful voice and I think it’d be perfect for this track.”

Shea took a long sip of her coffee, pretending to contemplate her decision, “I don’t know, I think the world would much rather hear your voice on the track,” she teased.

Pearl rolled her eyes and gave her the finger, “They’ve heard enough of it believe me. I’m really excited about this song, I want to actually produce it and give it finesse. I think your voice could do just that for me,” Pearl encouraged.

“Of course I’ll do it for you,” Shea agreed, “You didn’t have to butter me up really, I’d have done it regardless, though I always appreciate free food.”

“Thank god,” Pearl let out a sigh of relief, “I was worried you actually wouldn’t for a minute there.”

Shea smiled, “Nah I got your back.”

Pearl returned the grin before handing her an ear bud, “Here have a listen. This is just the demo really it will obviously be a lot better but this will give you a feel for it.”

Shea put the ear bud in and started to listen. It was really good. Max was singing the demo. Shea had always loved her voice. She wondered why Pearl didn’t just ask her to do it. She supposed Max’s voice was better for the more acoustic stuff so it made sense. When the song finished playing she was met with two expectant pairs of eyes. She considered telling them it was awful for a moment just to see their reactions, but she couldn’t be too mean.

“I love it,” she told them honestly, “It’s really catchy I can’t wait to sing it.”

Both Pearl and Max gave her excited smiles, “You’re not worried about singing a song with female pronouns?” Pearl asked.

Shea had figured the song was about Violet, or from Max’s side about Pearl. It wasn’t like the song was Shea’s. She was just helping a friend with a project so it wasn’t a big deal at all. “Not really, why would I be?” she asked.

“I don’t know, some people would be uncomfortable about it is all, I didn’t know if you would be or not,” Pearl shrugged.

“Nope, it’s not like it’s my song but at the same time there are plenty of girls out there that need to hear songs like this so I’m not opposed to it,” Shea smiled, “Could you send the song to me so I can get more of a feel for it?”

Pearl nodded before emailing it to her, “If you want to change anything or try things out feel free to, once you get the vibe you want we can work on it together.”

“Sounds good,” Shea smiled, “Max would you be willing to do some backing vocals. I’ve got an idea in mind and I think it will really add something to it.”

Max nodded eagerly, “Yeah of course, I’d be happy to help.”

“Perfect,” Shea clapped her hands together, “Pearl this is gonna be one bomb track you’d better get an A.”

“I’m sure I will,” Pearl agreed, “And hopefully something great for my portfolio. I’m going to be applying for a bunch of internships this summer so I need something that will really push me over the edge.”

“This is definitely going to be that,” Shea reached her hands across the table for her friends to grab so she could give them a quick squeeze, smile wide on her face.

“Text me if you want to get together to work on it,” Max told Shea collecting her things, “I gotta get to class, see ya.” They waved bye to Max before talking again.

“So this song, is it about Violet?” Shea nudged her playfully.

Pearl blushed, “Kinda. It’s more general though. Just about liking someone and not really knowing how to go about telling them. I mean most people can relate to that, I just had to make it a little more gay,” she explained.

“Of course you did,” Shea laughed, “Speaking of, how are you and her doing?”

Pearl looked lost in thought for a moment, “I really like her and I’m enjoying spending time with her,” she said finally.

“But,” Shea urged her to continue.

Pearl fiddled with her thumbs, “I don’t know. I guess that’s just it actually. I don’t know where we stand. Like we’re dating but she spends a lot of time with other people and doing other things and I don’t want to seem like clingy or anything, I’d just like to know where we stand is all.”

Shea gave her a sympathetic look, “I mean the obvious answer is to talk to her. Have you defined the relationship yet even? It seems like you’re on completely different pages.”

“I thought it was a given but maybe I’m wrong,” Pearl sighed, “I thought relationships between girls were supposed to be easier,” she huffed out a laugh.

Shea gave her a half smile, “No relationships are easy hate to break it to you.”

Pearl rolled her eyes, “I mean you’re not wrong. Some are easier than others. I just wish you would’ve taken the bait when I hit on you. You could’ve been at least bi right now. We could’ve been lipstick lesbians,” she joked.

Shea laughed, “You couldn’t handle all this,” she teased.

“You’re probably right. But we could’ve had some fun,” she bit her lip, “still could.”

Shea would have to be blind not to acknowledge how beautiful Pearl was. Pretty much everyone in their friend group had had a crush on her at some point in time. There was a time when Shea had considered it. If she was going to experiment it might as well be with a hot friend, but something always stopped her from doing anything.

“I’m not that easy bitch,” and just like that the moment was broken. Shea couldn’t deny her curiosity had peeked out again, but she could ignore it. That was the easiest and most logical thing to do.

Pearl had eventually left to get to her own class while Shea stayed to study before she had to go to her other classes. Her English class passed quickly even though it was typically dull. Then it was time for her last class of the day.

She was on her way to it when she heard her name being called. She turned to see Milk jogging towards her with a big smile on his face.

“Hey,” he greeted once he’d caught up to her, “How has your day been?”

“It’s been alright. Nothing too exciting.” She fell into step with him, which was quite difficult considering how ridiculously tall he was and Shea wasn’t exactly short herself. “Anything exciting happen with you?”

Milk shrugged, “Not really, but now I get to talk to you so that’s a plus,” he gave her a big smile, which she returned, however, she was rolling her eyes on the inside.

“I can see how that would be the highlight of your day,” she teased, walking inside the door he had held open for her.

“I never said it was the highlight, don’t get too cocky,” he teased back.

Shea gave him a wink then walked into the classroom and took a seat beside Naomi who smiled when she saw Milk and Shea come in.

“You guys always get here way too late and I have no one to talk to,” she complained, sticking her bottom lip out for dramatic effect.

“Oh you poor thing,” Shea faked sympathy causing them all to laugh. Class started too soon and they were forced to pay attention. Or at least pretend to, in Shea’s case that meant sketching designs not related to class and in Naomi and Milk’s case it meant checking all their socials and scrolling through Pinterest. Definitely a great use of their time.

Professor Rice sent them off with an assignment for the weekend which Shea was not looking forward to. She already had work for her other classes piling up. It was a little overwhelming, Sasha had helped her a lot but she was around less and less nowadays and Shea could feel herself slipping behind. She needed new study buddies fast.

“Hey do you guys want to get together Sunday sometime to work on this?” she asked hopefully, both of them were in her program so studying with them would probably benefit her. Plus it could gain her some closer friends.

Naomi nodded, “Definitely, it’ll be nice to work with other people for a change.

“Yeah, just let me know when,” Milk agreed.

“Awesome. I’ll text you guys later,” she promised before they headed their separate ways. She stopped by the dining hall to grab a sandwich to take back to her room so she could focus on doing work.

When she got back to the room Sasha was there, typing away on her computer. She looked up when Shea came into the room.

“Hey,” she greeted with a smile. Sasha returned it with a small one of her own before turning back to her laptop.

“Working hard I see,” Shea commented, sitting down at her desk to eat her sandwich and pull up the essay she had been working on earlier.

“Yeah, I have to finish this essay before I go out tonight. I know I’m going to be busy all weekend so this is really my only chance,” Sasha explained, still typing away.

Shea was impressed by her multitasking skills, “I see, you almost done?”

Sasha nodded, “Pretty much, I’m a bit stuck on how to wrap it all up and then I still need to edit it.”

“We’ll good luck. Let me know if you need me to proof read it. I’ll try to work quietly,” she told Sasha who simply nodded in response. Shea sighed, she needed to buckle down on this work. Even with a full weekend she still had a lot to get done. She put her headphones on and got to work.

She managed to write a page before she started getting bored. It wasn’t a long essay, only three pages so she was already at a good place in it. She decided to listen to Pearl’s song to procrastinate a little while still doing some work. She didn’t realize that she had been singing along until Sasha threw a pillow at her to get her attention.

She took her headphones off, “Sorry,” she apologized sheepishly, “I didn’t realize how loud I was being.”

Sasha shrugged, “It’s fine. I didn’t know you could sing. You’re really good,” she complimented.

Shea gave her a wide smile, “Thanks. I’m no Beyoncé but I like singing. I don’t do it often enough anymore.”

“What were you singing?” Sasha asked curiously, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before.”

“It’s a song Pearl wrote for a project. She wants me to sing it so she can focus more on production stuff. It’s really good I’m fully jamming over here,” Shea explained.

Sasha nodded, “It seems like a cool song” then she gave a small smile, “It’s not weird for you? Singing about a female love interest,” she asked. She seemed hesitant. Shea wondered again if there were some homophobic undertones to it. She could never get a good read of Sasha. It seemed like the perfect time to get the tea.

 

“No, why would it be?” she asked, trying to be as casual as possible.

“I don’t know I just thought you might be weirded out by it is all,” Sasha seemed uncomfortable, like she regretted asking about it and wanted to get out of this conversation immediately but Shea didn’t want to quite drop the subject so quickly.

“The song is about feeling an intense attraction towards someone but not being sure of their feelings. Plenty of people can relate to that myself included. It happens to be written by a girl who likes girls so I’m going to honor what she wrote and sing that for her, nothing else to it,” she ranted. Sasha looked taken aback and didn’t say anything.

“Would you have an issue singing about another girl?” Shea pressed.

“I would have an issue singing period. I’m really bad at it,” she tried to lighten up the conversation again.

Shea shook her head, “You know what I mean,” she narrowed her eyes, “Would you have a problem drawing or painting a gay or lesbian couple?” she asked hesitantly. She was almost afraid she would hate the answer.

“Of course not,” Sasha assured her, “Love is beautiful in all forms and there are so many people out there that need to see that kind of representation.”

Shea’s smile returned. She was happy they were finally on the same page again, “Exactly. That’s why I’m doing this. And of course to help Pearl,” she added.

“You’re a really good friend,” Sasha smiled, there was a hint of sadness in her tone and eyes though, “and a good person.”

“Treating people like people doesn’t make me a good person. It’s me doing the bare minimum really,” Shea pointed out.

“Being a good ally is important,” she continued, “Your friends are really lucky to have you. I hope they know that and I hope you know that,” she locked eyes with Shea and Shea got shivers down her spine. There was so much sincerity and intensity in her gaze and Shea had no idea what to do with it.

“I know they are,” Shea finally broke eye contact, “I’ve finally surrounded myself with people that respect and value my friendship and I’m in turn grateful for theirs,” she smiled and looked up again, “And I’m really grateful for our friendship as well. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced but I know it’s genuine so thank you.”

Sasha smiled while a blush creeped across her cheeks, “I’m grateful for it too,” she agreed. The moment broke when Sasha looked at the time, “Shit, I have to head out. If I email my paper to you can you look over it tonight? I can look over yours in the morning if you want.”

“Of course girl you don’t even have to bribe me,” Shea smiled, “I got your back.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you later girl, good luck on your paper,” she called before rushing out the door and leaving Shea alone once again. She could tell that it was going to be a long night and an even longer weekend. She huffed out a sigh before getting to work once more.


	5. I Gotta Watch You Walk Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like her feelings for Shea, Sasha didn’t quite know how to categorize her feelings for Aja, but that was where the similarities ended. She was certainly attracted to Aja and they had been flirting since the night they met, but that had been over a month ago and nothing had come of it yet. On one hand Aja was definitely gay and available. The only thing holding Sasha back was her complicated feelings for Shea.
> 
> In which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college and Sasha is a useless lesbian who doesn't want Shea to know that and Shea is just trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was definitely supposed to come out before Halloween but I've been focused on another project so oops. Hope y'all enjoy, we all need a bit more Sashea in our lives.

Sasha was going through a tough time. Between her two majors and midterms she was barely hanging on. It was all getting to be a bit too much, but she knew through experience that her mindset betrayed her sometimes and that was how she viewed situations. Sometimes the world felt as though it was rushing around Sasha and while she walked through unscathed, it whirled around her in blurs and flashes. She hated when it felt like that. When the faces in a crowd weren’t untold stories anymore. It all got to be so overwhelming sometimes.

She could admit that she was struggling. Trudging through the motions at this point. She still went to class and did her schoolwork but everything felt like it was moving too fast and she wasn’t quite sure she could keep up.

She was lying on her stomach on her bed, flipping through her textbook reading without really looking at the words on the page. Shea was saying something in the background but she was completely zoned out. She had felt bad that she was ignoring Shea more and more lately. It wasn’t Shea’s fault exactly, there was just so much going on and Sasha was just trying to stay afloat.

“So then we hid the body in the dumpster behind the dorms,” Shea finished her story, raising a brow at Sasha who was clearly not listening. Sasha just nodded her head and flipped another page.

“Girl you’re not listening to me at all,” Shea whined, “And you’ve flipped the page like three times in the past 30 seconds so I know you’re not reading that either. What’s on your mind?”

Sasha sighed, she’d knew Shea would pick up on her distance. She looked up to see Shea staring at her expectantly, waiting for her answer.

“I don’t really know, there’s just a lot on my mind right now,” Sasha explained vaguely. Sure there were some things she didn’t want to tell Shea about, Aja being the big one, but there were also things she didn’t think she could explain to her even if she tried. Sasha couldn’t quite explain it to herself. It was just a feeling she supposed.

“Try me,” Shea smiled supportively, shutting her laptop and making her way over to Sasha. Sasha scooted up on her bed and pulled her legs to her chest to make room for Shea. Shea took a seat at the end of the bed and turned to Sasha ready to listen.

“I’m not really sure how to explain it,” Sasha was usually so articulate, it was rare that she was at a loss for words, but they seemed to be floating around in her head, scrambled and jumbled up with no hopes of Sasha figuring out what to say. This could be the moment, the moment she comes out to Shea. She could tell her about the bar, about Aja, about everything. There was something holding her back though. The weird nagging feelings she felt towards Shea bubbled to the surface again. She didn’t want to put a label on them still and she didn’t want to risk her friendship with Shea.

Shea placed a comforting hand on her knee, squeezing it gently, “You don’t have to tell me, but it might help to talk to someone,” she advised.

“I know, and I know I can talk to you about anything, I just really don’t know how to explain it. I’ve just been really overwhelmed lately, which isn’t unusual but this, it just feels like it’s too much to handle,” Sasha hated the way she was feeling. It took her back to specific times in her life.

Back in Russia when she watched a boy be beat almost to death after he was found with another boy. When she thought she’d have to keep her feelings secret forever. Either settle down with a boy that she could never love or never settle down at all.

Back to coming out to her parents, both were confused. They didn’t know how to take it or what to do about it so they ended up shutting her out more. They still loved her and cared but they were afraid of saying the wrong thing to her so they barely interacted. Sasha had felt so alone and still very confused. It was all new to her and she needed some support, but she only had herself.

Back to moving to New York and making friends with Aquaria. She felt on top of the world when a girl finally liked her enough to ask her out only to find out that she was only doing it to make Brianna jealous. It didn’t even work either, Brianna had just shrugged it off and congratulating both of them. She and Aquaria had continued to fool around then Bri joined in too. Sasha tried to be happy with the situation but she couldn’t help but always feeling like an outsider. When she broke it off finally she knew she could be damaging those friendships, it was damaging her sense of self to be with them.

The truth was that Sasha had never felt like she had a best friend. She had never really gotten close to Aquaria or Brianna in more than a physical way. Bob was more of a mentor than anything. She was close to Olive and Vander but she really only saw and talked to them at the bar. Everyone else in her life were just acquaintances.

Shea though, Shea was truly her best friend. They could talk for hours and not get tired of each other. They were really just on the same wavelength. Except Sasha was keeping some huge secrets from her, and it made her feel awful whenever she was around her. She used to love spending time with Shea but it was starting to make her feel guilty.

Sasha risked a look at Shea, her eyes were big and filled with empathy, it made Sasha feel even worse. Shea held her arms out, urging Sasha to fall into her and of course, Sasha couldn’t resist. Shea was a very cuddly type of person and she gave the best hugs. She always seemed to know what a person needed. She held Sasha against her chest and stroked her hair until her breathing started to become even again. Shea pulled away slightly, “Can I braid your hair?” she asked.

Sasha nodded, sitting up and scooting up on the bed so Shea could have a better angle to work with. Shea finger combed through her hair lightly. Sasha appreciated her gentleness. “What kind of braid are you gonna do?” she asked.

“I’m thinking a fishtail,” Shea replied. Sasha felt her hair being separated and she could feel gentle tugs as Shea slowly began to braid. Sasha hummed in content as Shea worked.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to be for Halloween?” Shea questioned.

“I’m thinking Marlene Dietrich,” Sasha told her, grateful for a subject change. Shea was good like that, never letting her dwell on negative for too long. She had a way of spinning things to positive.

Shea giggled, “That’s a very you thing to be.”

Sasha laughed too, “Yeah I suppose it is. What are you planning to be?” she returned the question.

“A unicorn,” Shea exclaimed excitedly.

“Somehow I’m not surprised by that.”

“I’m gonna be like a sexy unicorn though, like bdsm meets fairytale,” she explained.

Sasha laughed, “Right because sexy is exactly what you think when you think of unicorns.”

“Girl you know you gotta make everything sexy on Halloween,” she said very seriously, making Sasha laugh even more, “Now how the hell are you planning on sexing up Marlene?”

“Well she’d be pretty hard to sex up seeing as she’s dead,” Sasha joked sarcastically.

Shea hit her shoulder playfully, “bitch you know what I mean.”

“Yeah yeah. I’m trying to stick to how she actually looked, most people won’t even know who it is so I don’t want to make it harder for them,” Sasha explained.

“That makes sense,” Shea agreed, “That being said can I please make your costume?”

Sasha laughed, “Halloween is in a week, if you think you can manage it then sure.”

Shea tied a hair tie at the end of the braid before clapping her hands together, “I love a good challenge.”

Sasha turned around to smile at her, stroking her newly braided hair, “Whatever you say,” she looked back down at her hair, “I kind of want to chop it all off.”

Shea looked mock offended, “Wow I know it’s not my best work but it’s not that bad.”

Sasha gave her a light shove, “You know what I mean. I’ve wanted to just shave it all off for a while now, but there’s always something holding me back.”

“Well I think if you want to do it go for it. Pearl would probably do it for you. I bet you’d pull it off really well, don’t think I haven’t noticed you turning looks,” Shea told her.

Sasha blushed, “I might, I’ll wait until after Halloween though,” she decided.

“Are you going to come out with us for Halloween parties?” Shea asked.

Sasha shrugged, “When are you guys planning to go out?”

“Probably both Friday and Saturday, we gotta get all the spooks in when we can,” Shea told her.

Sasha nodded. The bar would be doing stuff all weekend but the big Halloween celebration would be on Friday so Sasha figured it wouldn’t hurt to go out with Shea and the girls on Saturday. “I have plans for Friday already but I’ll for sure go out on Saturday.”

Shea clapped her hands together excitedly, “Perfect, it’s gonna be such a fun weekend.”

Sasha smiled along with her, she was actually looking forward to it.

*

The week went by quicker than she expected and as promised Shea had her costume ready by Friday. She had a black blazer romper with a fedora. Shea had offered to do her hair which she accepted gratefully, the pin curls turned out perfectly. Shea and the others were getting ready in their room, just so Sasha could get ready with them too, even if she wasn’t going out with them that night.

Pearl was a perfect Little Bo Peep, Kim was a stack of pancakes, Trixie was Dolly Parton and Max was a very tragic ghost. They all looked absolutely amazing and uniquely them. Shea’s bdsm unicorn turned out to be surprisingly perfect, really only Shea could pull off something like that.

They were putting on the finishing touches on their makeup, but mainly just goofing off at this point. The room was an absolute mess, with makeup, alcohol and clothes everywhere. Sasha knew she and Shea would have to tidy it up quite a bit the next day, but that was something that could wait.

Trixie was loudly singing along to the song that was playing, Shea joined in, purposely singing off key to trip Trixie up. Sasha wished she was going out with them for a moment, but she figured the next night would be just as fun and she knew she would have a blast at the bar anyways. She had considered inviting the girls to the bar, but quickly decided against it. While it would be a quick and easy way to come out she still couldn’t do it.

It was nearing 8 and Sasha wanted to get a move on it so she could chat with everyone before the bar got too busy and everyone got too drunk. She started to collect her things and get ready to leave.

“Aw are you heading out already,” Shea came over to her and pouted, “I was hoping we’d be able to convince you to come out with us instead.”

Sasha shrugged, “I do want to but I already made promises and I’ll go out with you guys tomorrow so you’ll still get your fill of me, don’t worry,” she teased.

“We always wanna hang out with you though, you’ve really become part of this shit show of a group,” Shea told her seriously, she looked at the other girls for backup and they all nodded in agreement.

Sasha put her hand to her heart, “I really do appreciate it guys, but this is a tradition type of thing and I’m not the type to let people down,” she explained.

“Yeah yeah,” Shea waved her off, “I still feel betrayed,” she joked.

Sasha rolled her eyes, “You’ll get over it,” she quickly said bye to the others before she headed down the stairs and into Olive’s waiting car.

Vander was already in the front seat so she slid into the back. Olive and Vander were probably her closest friends, at least at the bar. They had hit it off pretty quickly, gossiping in the back of the bar and filling in Sasha on all the drama from the past few years. Sasha loved them and enjoyed spending time with them but sometimes she felt too disconnected from them.

They were a few years older than her and had been friends for years making her an automatic third wheel. Of course they never intentionally made her feel that way, it was more of an internalized thing. Something in her that had always felt out of place in friendships and groups. It was the same feeling she had with Aquaria and Brianna, and with the Chicago girls. There was always something that was off, and she knew it was her. It was something she couldn’t shake no matter how hard she tried, so instead she just pushed it to the back of her mind.

The drive to the bar wasn’t too long and once they were there they went in through the back. Brianna and Monet were hanging out in the back, probably on a fake break before they had to go back to the hell that was Halloween at the bar.

“Shouldn’t you two be working,” Sasha teased.

Monet shrugged, “It’s not like mom’s gonna fire us.”

“Yeah, at worst she’ll just yell at us, the others are holding the fort down so we’re good back here for now,” Brianna agreed.

Sasha shook her head, “Well they’ll need you when the crowd starts coming in,” she informed them.

Brianna waved her off, “Yeah yeah, I’m building up my energy for the upcoming chaos.”

“C’mon Bri, we should actually go inside,” Monet encouraged pulling her sister up.

Brianna gave Monet and Sasha a glare, “Just for that I’ll make all your drinks wrong,” she told Sasha.

“I’ll just get Katelyn to make them then, or only get beers,” she countered back. Brianna just laughed loudly before heading back to the bar with Monet. Olive and Vander had already disappeared inside so Sasha made her way in as well.

She was almost immediately intercepted by Bob who looked incredibly frazzled already, “Sasha I’m glad you’re here. I know you want to enjoy Halloween and all but can you please find Thorgy for me and tell her she needs to start hosting?”

Sasha nodded, “I’m on it.” Bob gave her a quick hug before running over to yell at more workers. Sasha laughed before going backstage to find Thorgy.

She ran into Acid on her way to the dressing room. She and Acid had never really formed a strong relationship, but they didn’t hate each other as much as they used to so Sasha figured that was progress. “Have you seen Thorgy anywhere, she’s supposed to be hosting right now?”

“Yeah she’s still getting ready, she just drank a bottle of wine so she’s moving slower than usual,” Acid chuckled, “I’ll go host while you pester her to get ready,” she offered.

“That would be great, thanks.” Acid nodded and headed into the main area to start while Sasha went to go help Thorgy finish her makeup.

With Sasha’s prodding and helping Thorgy finished getting ready fairly quickly and was able to go relieve Acid of hosting duties. The bar was filling up quickly and Sasha loved seeing the varying costumes. Some people had clearly put a lot of effort into how they looked while others threw something together last minute. Sasha was proud that her costume wasn’t shitty, though she had Shea to thank for that.

She spotted Aquaria, Aja and Kandy chatting at a table. She smiled and made her way over to them.

“Sasha,” Aquaria greeted excitedly, scooting over to make room for Sasha. She was dressed as a bull but she managed to make it fashion. Kandy was Rose and the other Golden Girls were roaming around the bar somewhere. Aja was dressed as a cat because, “You are what you eat,” Sasha almost choked on her drink from laughing so hard after Aja had said that, she couldn’t even be mad about how basic the costume was.

Like her feelings for Shea, she didn’t quite know how to categorize her feelings for Aja, but that was where the similarities ended. She was certainly attracted to Aja and they had been flirting since the night they met, but that had been over a month ago and nothing had come of it yet. On one hand Aja was definitely gay and available. The only thing holding Sasha back was her complicated feelings for Shea, but she needed to shake those off. Aja could be the key to that. As she downed the rest of her drink she made a promise to herself to let whatever happens happen. She wouldn’t have to make a move on Aja but if Aja made the first move she would go with it. She had to start getting over Shea if she wanted them to have a good friendship.

She focused back in on the conversation that was happening. Aquaria was telling some kind of story that Sasha couldn’t full understand since she missed most of it. When Aquaria finished talking she announced that she was going to get another drink.

“Ooh I’ll come with, I need a refill,” Aja offered, sliding out of her seat to go to the bar with Sasha. Brianna handed them two vodka sodas that she made correctly despite her earlier threat. She took a long sip and winced a little at the strength of the drink. Aja giggled before doing the same. They looked over to see their table from earlier had been occupied already so they just made their way over to the corner to attempt to talk, but with the bar getting busier and louder it would be difficult to.

The drinks she had already had were beginning to hit her and she was starting to feel less tense and more giddy. Someone bumped into her and spilled a little of their drink, they gave a half ass apology before walking away. Sasha rolled her eyes, she knew she couldn’t expect to stay clean all night. Aja laughed at the sight of her irked face, causing her to laugh as well.

“I gotta say, you make a sexy Marlene,” Aja complimented.

Sasha smiled, a blush slowly forming on her cheeks, “Thanks. I’m just impressed you know who she is. Most people just assume I’m some old timey actress.”

“She’s a queer icon, of course I know who she is and this is a gay bar people really need to step their game up here,” Aja proclaimed.

“I know. People should have to pass a gay history quiz upon entry,” Sasha agreed.

Aja laughed, “For real though.” They talked a bit more. Exchanging stories about friends and family and life in general. It was hard to hear so there was a lot of repeating and misheard words but they carried on with the conversation nonetheless.

Eventually they had finished their drink so Sasha offered to get them more. Aja agreed easily and Sasha headed for the bar. It was fully packed by then so Sasha had to wait for a moment for Monet to notice her. When she did she loaded her up with extra gin before passing the drinks over with a wink. Sasha smiled in return before heading back to Aja.

Somehow out of all the people that were in the bar that night her eyes managed to fall onto Fame and Violet, who happened to be lip locked, completely unaware of the world around them. Sasha couldn’t help but stare. She didn’t exactly know the extent of Violet’s relationship with Pearl, or with Fame either, but she knew that Pearl was under the impression that she and Violet were in a relationship. However, looking at the scene in front of her it was clear that Violet didn’t did not share the same assumptions. She managed to pull her eyes away and rush back to where Aja was.

“Hey there you are, I thought you got lost,” Aja joked, taking her drink from Sasha’s hand. She noticed Sasha’s expression, “What’s wrong?”

Sasha thought carefully before telling her, “What would you do if you just saw your friend’s girlfriend with her tongue down someone else’s throat?” she asked.

“Well I would probably punch a bitch but something tells me you’re not the type of person to do that,” Aja said after thinking it over.

“Not without knowing the full situation at least,” She corrected.

“Ooh she’s got a bad streak,” Aja teased.

“Seriously though, should I say something? I feel like it’s not completely my place but at the same time, I’d want to know,” Sasha vented. She was feeling so torn. She could talk with Shea or even Pearl about it the next day, but part of her wanted to call Violet out. It was a complicated situation and Sasha didn’t want to involve herself at all but now she felt like she was a part of it now and she couldn’t just forget what she saw.

Aja nodded, “If you want to say something to her I’ll go with you. Moral support and all,” she offered.

Sasha nodded, “Yeah, I think I kind of need to,” she turned to look at Fame and Violet, who had stopped making out and were now just talking. She took a deep breath and headed over to them.

Violet noticed them making their way over and smiled, “Hey Sasha, Aja,” she greeted.

“Happy Halloween,” Fame added.

Sasha gave a half smile back, “Happy Halloween,” she returned before directing her attention to Violet, “Can I talk to you for a second?” she asked.

“Of course,” Violet said easily, following Sasha to a nearby table.

Sasha inhaled deeply before beginning, “I know it’s not my business at all and I don’t know the full story but I just thought you should know if you don’t already that Pearl thinks she’s in a committed relationship with you and I think that’s something you need to discuss with her because I never thought you to be the type to cheat on someone,” Sasha told her.

Violet looked shocked then she was silent for a minute. She sighed, “I wasn’t aware that she was under that impression no,” she paused again, “I’ll need to talk with her, I think we’ve been on completely different pages. Thank you for talking to me, I know it wasn’t an easy thing to do.”

Sasha offered her a slight smile, “Just talk to Pearl yeah, she deserves the truth, even if it’s not something she’s going to like.”

Violet nodded, “You’re completely right, and a great friend,” she gave Sasha’s shoulder a quick squeeze before making her way back over to Fame, whose face was full of concern.

Aja came up behind her, startling her slightly, “Hey that was really cool of you to do that, both for Pearl and for Violet. I think your intervention will be for the best.”

“I hope so,” Sasha bit her lip, “But it’s out of my hands now I suppose.”

“Mmhmm,” Aja agreed before downing the rest of her drink, “Do you want to go watch the costume contest?” she gestured towards the stage where Thorgy was hosting the contest.

“Sounds good,” Sasha finished her drink as well and they made their way over to the crowd.

At this point Sasha was definitely starting to feel the drinks. She wasn’t drunk yet but she was close. She figured it was best to just stay at the level she was at and vowed to stick to water and maybe a beer for the rest of the night. Aja seemed to be a little drunker than her but not to a point of no return.

She and Aja cheered loudly for all the good costumes. Some people really did go all out and Sasha was impressed that they’d managed to stay is costume for so long. The crowd had reached that level of drunkenness where people were slurring their words and trying to find someone to hook up with. Sasha would mock them but she couldn’t help but think that that was the same dance she and Aja had been doing for most of the night.

Aja was leaning against her slightly. Sasha could smell her perfume faintly over the strong smell of booze. She closed her eyes and took in the moment. The room wasn’t spinning but her thoughts were. If she liked Aja she should do something about it. She turned her head to look at Aja. Her makeup was smeared slightly and her hair was sticking to her face. Sasha still found her to be beautiful.

Aja turned her head and met her gaze, “What?” she asked, looking confused, “Do I have something on my face?”

“No,” Sasha shook her head, “I just like looking at you is all.”

Aja laughed, “Wow what a line, you really know how to woo the girls Miss Velour.”

Sasha tried to wink at her but she failed miserably sending them both into a fit of giggles. Sasha felt giddy and light. She really just wanted to kiss Aja and wanted Aja to kiss her back. Once the laughter died down a bit the air seemed to shift. Aja mover closer and Sasha’s breath hitched. She paused to give Sasha a chance to back away and when she didn’t Aja’s lips met hers.

Sasha knew it was sloppy but it had been so long since she’d been with anyone and she was a little desperate, before she could get too caught up in the moment Aja pulled back, “Bathroom?” she asked.

Sasha nodded, it wasn’t the classiest thing to do, but she was tipsy and not classy to begin with. Aja grabbed her hand and started to pull her towards the restrooms.

“Wait,” Sasha stopped her, “We can go to the employee one in back,” she said. It wasn’t much better but it was still something.

Aja nodded and let Sasha lead her. Once they had gotten to the back, Sasha getting a disapproving look from Bob and a thumbs up from Bri, their lips met again. Sasha knew they would have to be quick since she wasn’t exactly supposed to be back here. Bob wouldn’t kill her so she figured it would be fun.

They were all messy kisses and soft, hesitant touches. They didn’t know each other’s bodies yet, their likes and dislikes. Neither had a real rhythm or pace. It was a little disoriented, but Sasha enjoyed it nonetheless. Then just as fast as it had begun it was over. Sasha caught her breath before going to the mirror to fix her hair and makeup as much as possible. Aja did the same and when they locked eyes in the mirror they shared a shy smile and a giggle. Sasha felt like she was sixteen again. And she kind of liked it.

When they went back into the bar area Aquaria saw them immediately and gave her a wink. Aja announced that she was going to find her friends as they had texted her that they were leaving soon and she didn’t want to get left behind. She gave Sasha a quick kiss on the cheek and bounced away, heels now off her feet and in her hand.

Bob raised an eyebrow at her in a ‘we’ll talk about this later’ type of way and Sasha just shrugged in return. It had been quite the night.

Olive dropped her off back at her dorm not much later. The alcohol was wearing off and she mostly just felt tired at that point. She made her way to her room and unlocked the door. Once inside she was surprised to find everyone but her actual roommate passed out in the room. Pearl and Max had taken Shea’s bed. Kim was on the loveseat and Trixie on the floor beside her. She was surprised but happy that no one had taken her bed. She had no idea where Shea was however.

She began to take off her makeup with a wipe, too lazy to go wash her face but not wanting to leave it on all night. Suddenly the door opened and Shea stumbled in. She looked like she had tried to clean herself up a bit but she still looked rough. She noticed Sasha and gave her a meek smile.

“Sorry, they walked me back and then just ended up staying,” she whispered, gesturing to the sleeping girls.

Sasha shrugged, “It’s fine. Are you okay?” she asked taking in the fully disheveled state of Shea. Even like this she was beautiful.

“I just threw up in the bathroom for like a half hour but other than that I’m good,” Shea said sheepishly.

Sasha frowned, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s my own fault mostly, I went a little crazy on the jungle juice,” she explained.

“Thank makes sense,” Sasha cracked a smile, “Do you feel better now, think you’ll throw up again?”

Shea shook her head, “I think I got it all out of my system, I feel a little better now just tired,” she took a swig of pepto bismal before drinking some water.

“You can sleep in my bed then, I don’t think sleeping on the floor will be great for you tonight,” she offered.

“Thank you,” Shea’s eyes gleamed, “We can share.”

“You better not puke in my bed,” she warned before climbing in.

Shea giggled, following suit, “I won’t I promise.”

Sasha rolled her eyes before shutting them and trying to drift off to sleep. Shea seemed to drop off quickly and was snoring softly in minutes. Sasha’s mind raced too much for her to fall asleep though. She had hooked up with Aja in a dirty bar bathroom and now she was sharing a bed with Shea. It seemed weird and complicated and Sasha supposed it was. She knew nothing was going to happen between her and Shea, but the pull was still there, the attraction hadn’t faded and she didn’t know how to turn it off. Maybe she didn’t even want to, it was too complicated for her to think about especially with her sex and alcohol fuzzy mind, so she focused on Shea’s breathing and eventually managed to fall asleep as well.

*

When Sasha woke up the next morning it was later than usual for her but still earlier than everyone else. The others were still passed out in various uncomfortable looking positions which made her chuckle quietly. She tried to get dressed as quickly and quietly as possible as to not disturb any of the girls. Then she made her way out of the dorm and to the smoothie shop down the street.

She figured she could do a good deed and get everyone smoothies, maybe then they wouldn’t be like zombies the rest of the day. While she waited in line her phone buzzed. It was a text from Aja, telling her that her roommates had been giving her hell all morning for hooking up in a bathroom. She smiled at the text. Part of her envied that Aja could tell all her friends, though it was her own fault and she knew she just had to deal with it. She replied to Aja with a few laughing emojis before moving to the register to order. She had a pretty good idea of everyone’s orders and tried not to mess them up when ordering. She paid for the drinks and put her change in the tip jar since they had to make her six smoothies.

With the smoothies in hand she made her way back to her room. When she got in it seemed that everyone had just woken up.

“I brought smoothies,” she held up the cup holders.

“Oh my god you are a blessing,” Trixie proclaimed when she handed her her drink. The others nodded in agreement, drinking in silence for a moment.

“Can we please vow to not go that hard ever again?” Pearl asked.

Kim and Trixie both nodded along.

“Y’all need to step your pussies up because we gotta do it all again tonight,” Shea tried to pump them up, but even she didn’t sound enthusiastic and her words were met with groans from the rest of them.

“Bitch you almost died last night calm down,” Trixie teased. Shea shrugged.

“Can we just have a night in with ice cream and scary movies instead?” Max proposed.

Kim looked thoughtful for a moment, “That actually sounds great.

“I second that,” Pearl agreed.

“Yeah same, sorry Shea,” Trixie chimed in.

“Wow I’m hurt,” Shea pretended to be offended, “Sorry Sash I guess you won’t get to party it up with us.”

Sasha smiled, “I’m fully relieved honestly a movie night sounds great.”

“Yay, we can do it in Trixie and I’s room,” Kim offered.

“Ooh we can all pick our favorite movie to watch,” Pearl suggested.

“So sleepover again then?” Shea asked.

“Yeah sure, we have a little more room but probably bring blankets and pillows and shit,” Trixie told them.

They worked through the details while finishing their drinks and agreed to meet up at Kim and Trixie’s later that night. They exchanged goodbyes and everyone went their separate ways besides Sasha and Shea of course who remained in their room.

They spent the day laying around and not doing much. Eventually they showered and went to buy snacks for the movie night, but neither had the energy to really be productive. They headed over to Kim and Trixie’s room at around 5. It wasn’t the night anyone had planned but it was a great night anyways. Sasha may not have been being her true self, but she felt like she had an authentic tribe and that made her heart swell with joy.


	6. Every Time I Think of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shea looked over at Sasha, who was completely frozen, she looked terrified and completely unsure of what to do. The tension in the room was almost unbearable, everyone not sure how to go about the awkwardness. It was like that for a moment before Trixie burst out laughing. Shea’s eyes stayed trained on Sasha who looked like she might burst into tears.
> 
> In which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college and Sasha is a useless lesbian who doesn't want Shea to know that and Shea is just trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a Thanksgiving chapter 2 months after Thanksgiving. I'm really going to try to get better with updating but I keep getting distracted by side projects.

Shea wasn’t sure how she’d done it but she’d managed to get through midterms and now she was in the home stretch of the semester. There was about a month left and Shea was ready for a break. College had chewed her up and spit her out but she was still alive somehow, and it was only the first semester so she knew it would only get harder.

She was laying on her stomach on her bed, sketching and writing in her journal. Sasha was across the room at her desk sketching something as well. Something was definitely different about her now. Ever since Halloween she had been sneaking off even more now. Sometimes being gone overnight, which had never happened before, so Shea was sure she was seeing someone, she just didn’t know why it was a secret.

She also didn’t know why she didn’t just ask. In these few months rooming with Sasha she felt closer to her than some people she’s known her whole life. And more than anything she wanted to continue building on this friendship. So she bit her tongue and never pried into Sasha’s social life.

Her phone buzzed and she groaned when she looked at it. It was her mom, texting her about Thanksgiving once again. Her family was set on her coming home but it was a long and expensive journey that she didn’t necessarily want to make. She just didn’t know how exactly to let them know that.

“You sound stressed,” Sasha commented from across the room.

Shea turned to her and nodded, “A little. My parents want me to come home for Thanksgiving next week and they keep sending me flight deals and whatnot but I don’t really want to go all the way to Chicago just for a weekend. Especially when I’m already going to be going home like two weeks later for winter break,” she explained.

Sasha nodded, “Yeah that makes sense.”

“Plus none of the other Chicago girls are planning on going home so I wouldn’t even be able to have a travel buddy,” Shea sighed, “I love my family and I miss them a lot but I really don’t want to go. They’ll be mad if I don’t though especially since I don’t have any other plans.”

Sasha looked thoughtful for a moment, “Well if you want you can spend it with my dad and I. We always do a full spread even though it’s just the two of us. It was my mom’s favorite holiday so we like to honor her. Actually maybe the other girls would want to come to, it could be a full thing.”

Shea smiled widely, “That would be amazing actually. And my parents wouldn’t be able to be mad about it either.”

“Awesome. I’ll tell my dad and extend an invitation to the other girls,” Sasha smiled back, pulling out her phone and texting her dad and then the group chat. Shea watched as Sasha smiled at a new text that appeared on her phone, that one wasn’t from anyone in the group message and Shea would be willing to bet it wasn’t her dad, but again, she didn’t want to push it so she just kept her mouth shut, put her earbuds in and went back to sketching.

*

Later day Shea called her mom to let her know her plans for Thanksgiving. Her mom was disappointed but she thought it was nice that Sasha offered to host her. She made Shea promise to make a pie to bring over and to be extra respectful. That made her roll her eyes of course because when was she not? Shea agreed with everything her parents said most of the time just because it was easier. The only times she’d really ever called them out was when they were making jokes about how many queer friends she had. She made sure they knew that their sexuality wasn’t a problem at all and it definitely wasn’t theirs. Other than that she usually just kept quiet when she disagreed.

One of the things Shea had prided herself in was being a ride or die type of friend. Once someone had her loyalty she would do anything for them. She constantly had defended Vixen back in high school, even when she was fighting a losing battle. She always made sure to defend her queer friends and wanted to be the best possible ally she could be to them. Her parents were more traditional though and while they were getting a little bit better when Shea would scold them, they still had some choice things to say.

Every time they brought up the subject of her friends they typically asked her if she was gay. She would always say that she wasn’t but that it wasn’t the point. She wondered if the tolerance that they had gained would be different if she herself was queer. She didn’t like to think about that because she loved her family with her whole heart and she didn’t want to think any of it was conditional. It didn’t matter though, because she was straight, but a part of her still wondered.

Her mom went through the motions of asking about school and her friends and telling her she needed to find some kind of part time job. They chatted about new friends and whatever else they needed to catch up on. Shea had been talking about Sasha a lot apparently. Probably because they spent so much time together and because she was a new addition into Shea’s life. Her mom seemed suspicious of something but Shea didn’t feel the need to defend anything. It didn’t matter what her mom thought anymore, not as much, and Shea didn’t mind this new mindset. She told her mother she loved her and hung up.

She buried her face into her pillow and groaned. Sasha was out again, no surprise now and Shea couldn’t help but feel lonely. She didn’t want to bug anyone though so she ignored it. She pulled out her computer and started watching a movie and eventually called it a night, at least she was getting more sleep now instead of talking to Sasha until 3am every night, but that was the only silver lining to the situation.

*

Thanksgiving had come sooner than Shea thought and the night before she made a pumpkin pie for dessert. Sasha poked fun at her and insisted that she didn’t need to bring anything but Shea had been raised to never enter someone’s home empty handed. A full stomach meant a full heart, plus no one could resist her mom’s pumpkin pie recipe. She and Sasha took the train to her dad’s house early in the morning to help him get all the food ready. The others would get there later in the afternoon for dinner. Again Sasha told Shea she didn’t need to do anything, but Shea wanted to. It was a good way to spend more time with Sasha and get to know more about her life history.

Sasha’s dad, Mark, greeted both of them with hugs which Shea was surprised by. “It’s wonderful to meet you Shea was hoping to meet you on move in day but I’m glad you and Sasha have become such good friends,” he smiled warmly at her.

“Yeah, I’ve heard a lot of roommate horror stories I’m thrilled that I got a great roomie and a best friend out of it,” Shea smiled back at both him and Sasha who had stopped glaring at her dad to blush at Shea’s statement.

“Well the turkey won’t stuff itself, come on,” Sasha changed the subject and led them into the kitchen.

“Is there anything specific you want me to do?” Shea asked, setting the pie down on the counter.

“Oh no, Shea you’re a guest and you were already kind enough to make a pie, you don’t have to do anything,” Mark told her.

Shea waved her hand, “I don’t mind at all, I’d feel bad if I didn’t help.”

“Well if you really insist on helping, I’ll probably have you help with food in a little bit but right now if you want to set table so we don’t have to worry about it, that would be great,” he said.

“Sounds good,” Shea agreed. Sasha showed her where all the plates and silverware were and Shea went to the dining room to get to it. She wasn’t necessarily eavesdropping but she couldn’t help but here Sasha telling her dad not to embarrass her and that these were her new friends and she didn’t want them thinking anything bad about her.

Shea smiled at that. It was sweet that Sasha genuinely wanted to impress them. Though she didn’t need to be worried. Shea and the others loved her and accepted her fully as a part of the group, getting to know her and her father more would only strengthen that bond.

Shea joined them in the kitchen again and was assigned to cutting up veggies or the salad. Sasha joined her once she finished making the whipped cream for the cranberry salad. Apparently Sasha’s dad had done a lot of prep work the day before so mostly he just had them doing busy work, but Shea was happy to help regardless.

“I am so ready for this food, can we just eat it all before everyone else gets here?” Shea joked, eating a carrot to help her rumbling stomach a little.

Sasha laughed, “I think Kim would single handedly fight you but Trixie would probably help anyways.”

Shea laughed along with her as they finished chopping all the veggies, it was nice to be spending this time with Sasha, considering she hadn’t seen her much in the past few weeks. Sasha’s dad waved them off when they asked what else needed to be done so they headed to the living room to watch the dog show. Neither was really very into it but both picked their favorite to win. It was no surprise that Sasha picked the greyhound. Shea chose the Bichon.

Both of their dogs ended up winning their categories but in the end they lost to the German Shepard. Shea’s dog ended up taking second though so she of course had to gloat.

“It’s just a dog show, it’s not even your actual dog,” Sasha pointed out, “Besides if Vanya was the one competing he would have no doubt won,” Sasha patted Vanya on the head.

Shea rolled her eyes, “I won’t argue with that,” she patted the spot beside her so Vanya would come next to her instead. Sasha pretended to be offended when the dog went over to Shea and accepted her head scratches.

“He seems to like you, he’s usually very finicky when it comes to people,” Sasha told her.

Shea smiled, “Well they do say dogs are the best judges of character.”

“They do,” Sasha agreed, “I might just have to keep you around then.”

“Like you have a choice,” Shea nudged her with her foot and they both giggled.

Sasha heard the doorbell ring and sprung up. “Oh I bet the others are here.”

Shea stood up as well and they went to answer the door. Sure enough the others were waiting outside. They all greeted each other with hugs and cheek kisses, even though they’d just seen each other the day before.

“Thank you so much for inviting us, I haven’t had a good home cooked meal in ages,” Kim gushed.

“It’s nice to have you all, seriously Thanksgiving is about being with family and friends so I’m happy to host you all,” Sasha told them.

“As am I,” Sasha’s dad came up behind them and put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder, “I’m Mark, it’s great to have you all here,” he smiled and greeted them all.

“Thank you again for having us, my mom wasn’t going to bother doing anything this year so it’s nice to be able to spend it somewhere,” Pearl thanked him.

Mark shrugged, “Of course, Sasha’s friends are always welcome here. Sasha would you get drinks for everyone everything is ready so we can get started soon.”

“I’ll help move everything to the table,” Shea offered while Sasha took everyone’s drink orders. She followed Mark into the kitchen and began moving all the food to the table. Within a few minutes everyone was settled in and ready to dig in. Shea was happy the Velour’s weren’t the religious type or the type to go around and share what they were thankful for. Instead they just got right into eating.

The dinner was mostly quiet, besides people asking for food to be passed they were all too busy stuffing their faces with all the delicious food. Once they were all full they decided to move out to the living room. Mark assured them that they could get the dishes later and that they could just relax for a little while. Shea definitely was in a food coma so sitting down was much needed for her.

“That was so good honestly, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat for like a week,” Shea joked, there were murmurs of agreement.

“Speak for yourself I’m still ready for that pie,” Kim looked wistful, probably thinking about all the dessert.

Shea smiled, “I mean my family’s pie recipe is kind of a big deal.”

“We’ll be the judges of that,” Pearl winked at her. She and Max were seated on the loveseat and there was definitely some love going on there. Ever since Pearl and Violet’s breakup the two had been closer than ever. Shea wasn’t sure exactly what was going on between them but she was happy for her friends nonetheless. Especially considering Max had been crushing on Pearl since the dawn of time pretty much. She hoped it worked out for them.

“You two seem like a lovely couple. How long have you been together?” Mark gestured to Pearl and Max who were cuddled up even more than before.

Max blushed, “Oh no we’re not.”

Pearl interjected, “It’s pretty new still. We’ve been friends for a long time and there’s always been the hint of something more lingering there, were just trying to take it slow and go with whatever happens,” she squeezed Max’s hand and the two shared a sweet smile. It made Shea smile as well, seeing her friends happy always brought her happiness.

“Well you two make a lovely couple,” he complimented before turning to Sasha, “What ever happened to Aquaria? You two were inseparable, I thought you had something special.”

Shea looked over at Sasha, who was completely frozen, she looked terrified and completely unsure of what to do.

The tension in the room was almost unbearable, everyone not sure how to go about the awkwardness. It was like that for a moment before Trixie burst out laughing. Shea’s eyes stayed trained on Sasha who looked like she might burst into tears.

When Trixie’s laughter died down she turned to Sasha, “I’m not laughing at you it’s just that a few months ago we were worried you might be homophobic so hearing that it’s the opposite is ironic,” she explained. Sasha seemed to ease up a little bit but the tension was still clearly there.

Her dad looked embarrassed, “I’m sorry Sash I didn’t realize,” he apologized.

Sasha seemed to find her voice, “No it’s fine,” she took a deep breath, “I wasn’t keeping anything hidden really I just didn’t think I needed to disclose anything.”

Pearl smiled at her warmly, a knowing look in her eyes, “No of course you didn’t. It’s fully up to you but everyone here is more than fine with it.” The others nodded in agreement.

Sasha gave a small smile, “I don’t want any kind of big deal to be made about it so if we could just move past it that would be great. Pie anyone?” she got up quickly to go set up dessert. The others followed her to the kitchen to eat pie in an awkward silence.

“I think I’m going to have dreams about that pie for the rest of my life,” Kim told Shea once they were done eating.

Shea laughed, “I can give you the recipe girl, it’s not some sort of secret recipe or anything.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Kim informed her.

Shea saw that Pearl had volunteered to do the dishes so she ventured over to help her.

“Need a hand?” she asked even though she had already begun drying dishes.

“I would say no but it wouldn’t make a difference,” Pearl smiled and continued to wash.

Shea glanced around to make sure everyone was in the other room, “So, you didn’t seem particularly shocked by that reveal,” she commented.

Pearl gave her a pointed look, “I mean it wasn’t that big of a surprise.”

“I thought it was,” Shea defended herself.

“Sasha’s like a textbook lesbian it really isn’t,” Pearl told her.

Shea sighed, “I just don’t get why she felt like she couldn’t tell me. We’ve gotten so close and I’ve told her basically everything important about me. I can’t help but wonder what else she’s been hiding from me.”

Pearl turned to look at her, pausing from the dishes, “I know that you’re feeling hurt but coming out is a scary thing in any extreme. When I came out to you all it was intimidating but I knew it would be okay and that everyone would accept me. She’s entitled to handle it however she wants, she probably just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Shea took a moment to think over what Pearl had said, “I’m not though. Nothing has changed and nothing is going to change.”

“I think you need to talk to Sasha then,” Pearl urged her.

Shea nodded then headed out to the other room where everyone else was. She scanned around for Sasha but didn’t see her. Mark saw her looking, “She went up to her room I think,” he pointed up the stairs, “Third door on the left.”

She thanked him and headed up the stairs. Sasha’s door was open but Shea still knocked to alert her of her presence.

“Hey, can I come in?” she asked.

Sasha nodded and Shea stepped into the room, “I think we should talk,” she announced.

“Okay,” Sasha agreed, going over to sit on her bed.

Shea made her way over and sat beside her. She took a second to organize her thoughts before speaking, “I’m not mad, I’m just a little hurt. I want you to know that this doesn’t change anything. You’re still my best friend and I love you no matter what.”

Sasha let out the breath that she was holding in, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was out in high school but I didn’t want to creep you out at first by telling you and then we got so close it just seemed weird to tell you. I didn’t know how to navigate the whole straight roommate thing,” she explained.

“I get it. I don’t want to feel like our friendship was artificial but that’s also a huge part of your life that you kept hidden and I’m worried that that was just the tip of the iceberg,” Shea admitted.

“That’s understandable, but at the same time how I chose to discuss my sexuality is my own business. You got to know me for me and everything about that was genuine,” Sasha offered.

Shea sighed, “I know and I believe that. I’ve had a past with putting too much into my friendships and relationships and getting way too invested in them. I’ll put in 100 percent and barely get 20 in return. I just always worry when people aren’t open with me especially when I’m as open as it gets.”

Sasha considered what she said for a moment before responding, “Well from now on you’re going to get way to much information on my gayness,” she joked.

Shea smiled, “Please I want all the dirty details. Starting with your secret girlfriend.”

Sasha looked shocked, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Shea rolled her eyes, “Please, you’re out all the time, sometimes overnight. I knew you were seeing someone but now I know it’s a girl.”

“Okay fine,” Sasha relented, “There is someone but she’s not my girlfriend, I don’t really know how to categorize what we are.”

“But you like her?” Shea inquired.

Sasha smiled at the ground, “Yeah I do.”

“When do I get to meet her?” Shea asked, “I gotta make sure she’s up to standard for you.”

“You just found out I’m gay how do you even know what my standards are for girls?” Sasha laughed.

Shea shrugged, “Well you obviously have higher standards since you like girls.”

Sasha giggled, “True. You can meet her sometime this week, we can go out for lunch or something.”

“I’ll look forward to it. We should probably go back downstairs we kinda just left everyone with your dad,” Shea pointed out.

“True.” They both stood up and Shea pulled her into a hug.

“I’m really glad you’re in my life I just want to reiterate how little it matters to me that you’re gay. You’re still my favorite person and now you even get to be my favorite gay person,” Shea told her once they pulled away from their drawn out hug.

Sasha shoved her, “Wow what an honor.” They linked arms and headed back downstairs to join the others once more.

*

After Thanksgiving Sasha and Shea’s friendship had grown even more. Sasha had told her all about Aja and Shea wouldn’t lie, she sounded like a pretty cool person and definitely someone Shea could be friends with. 

Now that the cat was out of the bag it was pretty much all Sasha talked about. Aja and all of her friends from the bar. Shea couldn’t believe how much of Sasha’s life she’d been missing. It wasn’t like Sasha was a new person or anything but there was a new openness to her and it seemed like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Shea was happy she didn’t have to hide anymore and she made sure to listen to Sasha more dutifully than ever.

Shea had spent most of the week pestering Sasha about meeting Aja. Sasha promised it would happen soon but soon wasn’t soon enough so she kept nagging.

Finally Sasha had had enough of it and agreed to let Shea crash their lunch date that Wednesday. Shea was excited to meet Sasha’s not girlfriend. Shea was the type of friend to size up all of her friends potential love interests. She would give them the whole “if you hurt them I will kill you speech.” She liked to think it was intimidating and that her loyalty as a friend would be appreciated.

When they met for lunch Sasha was already done with classes for the day. Shea still had more to go but she had a gap in her schedule. Apparently Aja was a part time student who worked and made music on the side. It was a compromise with her parents and it seemed to be working out so far. She lived off campus with four other girls. She had her own room so it made sense that Sasha was over there most of the time.

Shea was early so she texted Sasha asking what to order for Aja and ordered for herself and Sasha while she waited. Sasha sent her order and arrived a few minutes after.

“Hey,” she greeted, “Aja should be here in a few, she’s coming from her house.”

Shea nodded. They chitchatted about their classes while they waited. Finally the girl in question showed up. Shea noted that her hair was curled and laid perfectly. She had a pretty face and a good fashion sense. Sasha could definitely do worse. What a horrible thought honestly, she really needed to tone down her whole over protective friend thing, but she couldn’t help that she cared so much.

“Hey sis,” Aja greeted Sasha with a hug, before turning to Shea, “You must be Shea, nice to finally meet you,” she surprised Shea by pulling her into a hug which Shea returned.

“You too, I’ve been hearing a lot about you lately,” Shea told her.

Aja grinned, “You as well, Sasha doesn’t shut up about you. I’ve been bugging her to meet you and the rest of your friends. Sash don’t take this the wrong way because being outed sucks but I don’t think it would have ever happened otherwise, and I’m happy that you don’t have to live two lives anymore,” she squeezed Sasha’s hand gently as she sat down beside her.

Sasha sighed, “You’re not wrong,” she admitted, “And I really am sorry for not telling you Shea. You’ve been nothing but supportive of me and your other friends I should’ve known I could trust you.”

Shea gave her a genuine smile, “It’s water under the bridge honestly,” she narrowed her eyes playfully, “But the dorm rules still stand, no fucking girls while I’m there, I’ll need at least an hour’s notice.”

Sasha reached across the table to shove her but she was laughing while she did it. Aja was laughing too but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Shea could sense some jealousy. She wasn’t entirely sure what the extent of Sasha and Aja’s relationship was. She knew they weren’t official but it seemed like something more than just hooking up. Shea hoped they figured it out soon because the tension was stressing her out already.

Their food came out and the conversation thinned out while they ate. Shea asked Aja all the typical questions about her life, her major and her roommates. Aja studied business to make her parents happy but her real passion was in song writing and rapping. She also worked as a barista on the side. She lived with her four best friends and the way her face lit up when she talked about them reminded Shea of herself when she talked about her friends.

She wasn’t entirely sure why but she wanted to dislike Aja upon meeting her. She knew it was wrong and bitter of her but she had a certain protectiveness over her friends. The problem was that Aja was actually really cool. She was totally the type of person that Shea would want to be friends with, and it was clear she liked Sasha a lot. While Sasha was hard to read at times Shea could tell that she liked Aja as well. If it was Shea’s approval that Sasha was seeing, which she doubted, she had it.

After finishing their food and chatting for a while more Sasha got up to use the restroom leaving Aja and Shea to deal with the inevitable awkward silence. “So,” Aja started, “You and Sasha are pretty close it seems.”

Shea nodded, her face lighting up, “Yeah I got really lucky with her as my roomie, it seems like it was meant to be.”

Aja had a tight smile on her lips, “Yeah I can see that, you guys are really something.”

Shea nodded, sensing some animosity she figured it would be best to tread carefully, “Yeah, well she is one of my best friends and I always look after my friends.”

“Yeah of course,” Aja replied.

Shea tried to keep a composed smile on her lips and a light tone, “I know you two aren’t official or anything, but I feel like it’s my duty to let you know if you ever hurt her, I will cut you, but also if she hurts you I’ll give her a stern talking to.”

Aja sighed, “And I totally respect that I really do, it’s just, can I ask you a question?”

Shea smiled hoping to loosen her up, “Sure anything.”

“You and Sasha are just friends right, there’s nothing more to it right?” Aja bit her lip nervously.

Shea paused for a moment before looking at Aja, “Yeah I guess I can see why you’d think that. Sasha has a special place in my heart for sure. But I’m very straight and even if I wasn’t we don’t see each other that way. Our connection is totally platonic. Don’t get me wrong though I’m gonna make sure she stays in my life because she is a great person to have in my corner. So even when you two are dating just know I won’t completely step to the side.”

Aja looked taken aback. She stayed silent for a moment before speaking, “Okay that’s fair the last thing I want to do is come between her and her friends.”

“Good I’m glad we’re in agreement now,” Shea took a sip of her now cold tea.

“Right,” Aja nodded firmly.

Shea was serious for a moment before she broke out into a grin, Aja did the same. “For what it’s worth I think you’re pretty chill, I’ll be sure to put in a good word for you.”

Aja grinned, “Wow thanks.”

Sasha finally returned with three shortbread cookies, “You two getting along?” she asked, taking her seat once again.

“Definitely,” Shea said through a bite of her cookie. She wasn’t completely lying either, she’d still keep an eye out, but Aja had passed the first test so Shea could stand down a little bit.

They finished their cookies and drinks before Aja had to head to work. Shea still had some time before her class and Sasha was done for the day so they hung around and talked still.

Once Sasha had finally had enough of the small talk she brought up the elephant in the room. Shea was surprised it took her so long honestly. “So tell me honestly. What did you think of Aja?” She looked hesitantly at Shea.

“She’s really cool, I’d like to get to know her more,” Shea told her earnestly, giving her hand a comforting squeeze.

Sasha gave her a relieved smile, “Oh great now do I have to be jealous about you two hitting it off?” she teased.

Shea rolled her eyes, “Oh yeah we’re gonna run away together and start a brewery/chicken farm.”

“Doesn’t sound very sanitary,” she raised a brow.

Shea waved her off, “We’re still working out the details.”

Sasha laughed, “Whatever you say.”

“Seriously though, you and Aja seem to really like each other, why aren’t you going for that?” she asked.

Sasha shrugged meekly, “It’s kinda stupid, but I was waiting to have someone to talk about it with I guess. You’ve been my go to person for advice lately and I just needed someone to talk it out with.”

Shea’s heart soared hearing that. She was happy to have Sasha’s full trust now and she wanted to keep it, “So let’s talk about it then,” she smiled.

Sasha let out a breath that she appeared to be holding in, before explaining everything that had been going on with Aja to Shea. Shea listened patiently, she had heard most of it but hearing it now after talking with Aja made her realize how serious it was.

“I really think you should go for it. Aja really likes you and it’s clear you feel the same so now that there’s nothing holding you back you should go get your girl,” Shea told her firmly.

“Yeah you’re right I think I will,” Sasha smiled.

“But you better not forget about your best friend while you do that,” Shea pressed.

“I could never,” Sasha said seriously, “And you should not forget about your class,” she pointed to the clock.”

Shea saw the time and jumped up immediately, “Shit I gotta go,” she gave Sasha a peck on the cheek, “You better keep me updated, I expect you to be in a relationship by tonight,” she called to Sasha as she ran out and straight to class.

*

When Shea got back to her room that night Sasha wasn’t there. She wasn’t surprised by it, she had figured that if she and Aja got together they’d probably want to spend some together. After the conversation she had had with Sasha today she was feeling confident that their friendship would remain solid so there was nothing to be jealous of. The pit in her stomach didn’t seem to be getting that memo though.

She tried to distract herself by texting her friends but they all seemed to be busy. She sighed and threw her phone on the bed and pulled up her English paper and began to work. She wished Sasha was there to help her proof it but maybe she could ask her to do it the next day.

Her phone buzzed and she got up to look at it. It was a text from Sasha telling her not to wait up and that she’d be at Aja’s that night and promised to tell Shea all the deets later.

Shea sent back ‘get it girl!’ with a winky face and decided to give up on writing her paper. Instead she decided to binge watch 90210 until it was time to get to sleep.

*

It was three days later when Shea started to understand the pit in her stomach. In those three days she hadn’t seen Sasha at all. She had been spending the night at Aja’s as well as meeting with her for lunches too apparently. Shea had tried to meet up with her multiple times but Aja seemed to always beat her to the punch. She didn’t expect to be so frustrated. She hadn’t realized how big of a space Sasha had taken up in her life until it was empty. She was getting sick of eating alone and not having someone to stay up late and talk with. She had even stayed the night with Kim and Trixie the night before just so she didn’t have to be alone.

All her classes were gearing up towards finals the next week so she had a lot of work and studying to do. Milk, Naomi and her had started a little study group for their shared classes so at least she had that.

Recently she had been doing some thinking about Milk and his flirting. He was an attractive guy and clearly had an interest in her. She had to think about why it was that she kept turning him down. She wasn’t bothered that he was bi or that he wore makeup and had a more feminine style. In fact she found it refreshing, but maybe there was a small part of her that felt a little uncomfortable with it and maybe she should start challenging that discomfort.

She pulled out her phone and sent a text to Milk asking if he was free for dinner that night and decided that whatever happened she would just go with it. There was no point in holding back anymore.


	7. Shocking What Love Can Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha would definitely miss having a best friend in close proximity, and she and Shea really had become close over the semester. She’d really become a daily fixture in Sasha’s life and she would miss having Shea around all the time, but she had other things to focus on. 
> 
> In which Sasha and Shea are roommates for their freshman year of college and Sasha is a useless lesbian who doesn't want Shea to know that and Shea is just trying to live her best Chicago life while being in NYC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well y'all it's been a hot minute, but I promise I haven't given up on this story. Also this chapter marks the halfway mark so woohoo! Hope you enjoy!

Exams week was in full swing which meant that Sasha was in completely over her head. She was trying to keep calm and power through. Luckily she would only have to take two exams and turn in two final projects that she was already mostly done with. She had already given her speech for her public speaking class so that was a weight lifted off her shoulders.

She surprisingly wasn’t too worried for the exams themselves. She’d been doing well in both of the classes so she figured neither would be too difficult but studying was still necessary. On top of the studying she had to finish her portfolio and sculpture.

She was pretty crunched for time and couldn’t wait for the week to be over. Since thanksgiving and officially getting together with Aja, she had spent a majority of her nights at Aja’s house. She did feel a little bad for neglecting Shea and the other girls, but they were all getting together Thursday before Trixie and Kim left. Sasha would be done with exams by then and her work would have already been turned in, so she would definitely be celebrating by then.

While she could technically leave after her exam Thursday, Shea’s last exam wasn’t until Friday afternoon and her flight was the next day, so they had made plans to hang out and celebrate before Shea was back in Chicago for a month.

Sasha would definitely miss having a best friend in close proximity, and she and Shea really had become close over the semester. She’d really become a daily fixture in Sasha’s life and she would miss having Shea around all the time, but she had other things to focus on. Like Aja and introducing her dad to her, as well as meeting Aja’s parents. In some ways they were moving a little quickly, but at the same time it still felt natural. Even though she had been spending most of her time with Aja, Sasha had informed her that this week was all about studying and spending time with her friends that she wouldn’t be able to see for a while.

It was Monday night and she had her first exam early in the morning. She and Shea had been studying together in their room before Shea had decided to take a break and go to the gym to get some stress out. Sasha had declined the invitation since she needed every bit of time to study. Luckily for her Shea had offered to bring her back some food, so she didn’t have to take a break from studying and wouldn’t neglect eating.

Once again, she thought about how much she’d lucked out with getting Shea as a roommate. While sharing a room with someone was never ideal, she couldn’t have asked for a better arrangement, and she would really miss spending time with her over break.

Speak of the devil, Shea returned to the room with food in her hand. “Aren’t you supposed to be studying,” Shea called her out before handing her the food.

“I know I got lost in thought. Without you here to throw something at me when I zone out it’s bound to happen,” Sasha told her.

Shea smiled, “Don’t worry I’ll get right back to throwing stuff at you.”

“Wouldn’t want it any other way,” she grinned back before getting up to stretch a bit, “I do kinda want a break though, I don’t think I’m getting anything done. Wanna watch an episode of Brooklyn 99 while I eat?”

“I’ll never say no to procrastination,” Shea agreed easily, setting it up on the screen for them while Sasha dug into her food.

“Thanks so much for picking this up for me by the way, you’re the best,” Sasha thanked her after taking a bite.

“I try,” Shea smirked and set the episode up to play. She loved watching things with Shea because Shea’s commentary made everything better. Not that it was bad in the first place, but it definitely added to it.

They ended up watching two episodes before getting back to their necessary work and eventually going to bed. Sasha’s exam was super early, so she needed all the sleep she could get. She just hoped she’d studied enough to get through it.

*

Her exam went fine which she knew it would, but it didn’t hurt to be worried and prep accordingly. She had the rest of her day free, or at least free to get some of her projects done. Currently she was on her way to meet with Shea. Their usual library was way too crowded for her liking and Shea told her that the design library was much more chill because most of them had to be finished with projects the week before.

Shea was waiting at a table close to the entrance when she walked in, so she quickly waved her down. They were in the main hall of the library so they didn’t have to worry about being too quiet.

“Hey girl. I grabbed you a coffee,” Shea greeted pushing the cup towards Sasha who received it gratefully, “How did your exam go?”

Sasha smiled, taking a sip of the warm drink, “I think it went well and I don’t think my other will be too bad either, so really I just need to finish these projects.”

Shea nodded in understanding, “Yeah, all mine are due Wednesday then I still have exams Thursday and Friday which I have no idea how I’m going to be ready for,” she huffed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you however I can and you still have your little study group with Naomi and Milk right?” Sasha asked trying her best not to sound sour as she mentioned Milk. She didn’t quite understand Shea’s new relationship with him. She seemed so opposed to it even just a month ago, and while it wasn’t really her business, she was still surprised when Shea told her about it.

“Yeah I’m meeting them tonight to hopefully get a lot of work done,” Shea said.

“See, you totally got this. We’re all going to make sure you nail these finals,” Sasha promised, “And the first step to that is studying for all we’re worth,” she gestured to the work that was laid out in front of Shea and began pulling out her own.

Shea nodded in agreement, flipping through the book in front of her, “Very true, let’s get to it then.”

They were fairly engrossed with their individual work for about an hour, occasionally asking each other questions but for the most part focused on what they needed to do. Sasha was snapped out of her reading by Shea furiously snapping in her face. She glanced up with a confused look on her face.

Shea was pointing to the direction of the entryway where Trixie had just walked in with a blonde they’d never seen before. “Oh my god,” Sasha gasped.

The blonde seemed to be telling some kind of story and Trixie looked like she was hanging onto every word, letting out a roar of laughter when it was finished, causing the other girl to wheeze in laughter as well. “Do you think that’s her?” Shea asked.

Sasha nodded, “I mean it has to be right?”

“Only one way to find out,” Shea shrugged before calling out, “Trixie!”

Trixie turned when she heard her name being called and immediately paled when she saw Shea and Sasha. Sasha could see how she was trying to work out how she could run away. It was too late though as Shea was waving them over and the blonde was pulling Trixie towards them.

“Hey Trix,” Shea greeted, “Sasha and I were just studying for our finals and wanted to say hi. Who’s your friend?”

Trixie appeared to be trying to kill Shea with her eyes, but the bubbly blonde beside her didn’t seem to notice.

“Привет, I’m Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova, but you can call me Katya,” she smiled widely, extending a hand which Shea shook cautiously, before she turned to shake Sasha’s hand as well.

Shea seemed like she had no idea how to react to Katya but Sasha was intrigued by her strangeness. Also the Russian greeting peeked her curiosity so she returned the sentiment.

“Nice to meet you, we’ve heard so much about you. I’m Sasha,” she greeted back in Russian. Katya seemed surprised but it morphed into excitement fairly quickly. Shea and Trixie were both staring at her looking confused.

“Oh my god you speak Russian. That’s wonderful. I did my masters there but I haven’t been able to keep up with the language as much as I would like,” Katya was beaming with excitement. Sasha just wanted to get a closer look at her seemingly perfect teeth.

“Yeah I get that. I lived there for 11 years but I don’t really get a chance to speak it anymore either,” Sasha explained.

“Hold up, how did I not know you lived in Russia?” Shea interrupted.

Sasha shrugged, “I guess it just never came up.”

 

“I loved it when I was there. I wouldn’t mid going back,” Katya continued where they had left off.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t mind visiting either. I always assumed my dad and I would move back but I’m pretty glad we didn’t. It’s not a safe environment for queer people and I don’t want to live in fear,” Sasha explained honestly.

Katya nodded, looking slightly taken aback, “No completely. That’s a big downside. Two years was a long time to have to shut that side of me down, but I tried to focus on my studies and the unique experience of the country itself.”

“It’s a beautiful country,” she agreed.

Katya turned to Trixie, “How come you never introduced me to your cool Russian friend?”

Trixie looked like she didn’t have a good answer, “I mean I didn’t know how Russian she actually was so I didn’t think about it,” she tried to explain.

Katya tssked, “Sure.”

“It’s really great to finally meet you. We’ve been hassling Trixie about it for so long,” Shea interjected, ignoring the glare from Trixie.

“Likewise,” Katya’s smile returned, “I was beginning to wonder if you guys even existed.”

Trixie huffed, “Hey, I obviously wasn’t lying about my friends.”

Katya put a gentle hand on her shoulder which seemed to calm her down a little bit, “Of course not. You were just worried I was going to scare them away.”

Shea laughed, “Probably the opposite actually.”

“You guys seem great for the record. From the stories I’ve heard and from meeting you now,” Katya informed them.

“You too,” Sasha agreed, “It’s been a long time coming.”

Trixie’s eyes were threatening to roll out of her skull, but she honestly should’ve seen this coming. She couldn’t keep them all separate from Katya forever.

“So Katya,” Shea started. Sasha could see the mischievous glint in her eye, and Sasha wondered where she was going with it. “We’re having a little get together Thursday so we can all hang out before break and we’re gonna pick names for secret santa. You should totally come, it would be great for you to meet everyone.”

“Katya has a lot of work to do. It’s finals week and all,” Trixie tried to steer Katya into saying no.

Katya held a hand out for Trixie to stop, “I can make time. I’d love to come and meet all of Trixie’s friends. Thanks for inviting me. I’ll pry the information from Trix somehow.”

Trixie rolled her eyes, “Whatever. Now come on you have a test to watch over and I have one to take,” she shoved at Katya while Katya waved goodbye to Sasha and Shea.

Once they were out of sight Sasha turned to Shea and burst out laughing, “I can’t believe you actually invited her for Thursday. Trixie is actually going to murder you. I’ll tell her to do it in the dorm, maybe I can get free room and board.

Shea balled up a paper and threw it at her, “I saw my opportunity and I took it. God knows she would’ve never introduced us to Katya so I had to take it upon myself.”

“I’m impressed. Also, I love that she knows everyone’s schedule well enough to not be where we would be. Like we never come here so she thought it was safe,” Sasha pointed out.

“It’s crazy honestly. I don’t get it, but at least we might actually be able to get to know Katya more. See what’s got Trix all worked up,” Shea decided.

Sasha nodded, “Very true. And now we’re apparently doing a secret santa.”

“I had to think on my feet. Don’t come for me,” Shea defended.

“Whatever you say girl,” Sasha laughed and got back into studying.

Eventually Shea left to meet with her design friends and Sasha headed to the art studio to get some work done on her final projects. She knew she was in for a long night and a long day the next day, but if she could get everything done she’d basically be home free, and that was music to her ears.

*

Wednesday had been both stressful and productive for Sasha. She’d went to the studio early in the morning and by evening she had finished her last sketch for her drawing class, and put the finishing touches on her final sculpture. She was feeling pretty good and while she still had her last exam the next morning, she decided she would treat herself a little and go have a late dinner with Aja.

Aja had offered to cook, which she had accepted gratefully even though she knew it was just a ploy to spend time with her. Not that that was a bad thing, but Sasha didn’t need too many distractions this week. A nice dinner with her girlfriend couldn’t hurt though.

When she got to Aja’s house her roommates were nowhere to be seen, which was out of the ordinary. With five girls living in the same house there was usually at least one around. “I banished the other girls while we eat. They can have the leftovers,” Aja explained.

Sasha smiled and took a seat at the counter while Aja fixed them plates, “I’m surprised they listened.”

“Only because it’s finals week and they actually have work to do,” Aja informed her, setting the plates down and taking a seat beside her.

“That makes sense then. How did your econ exam go?” Sasha asked. Aja was only in three classes and econ was the most intense of those.

“It was awful, but I think I did okay. Good enough to pass at least. Not that it really matters to me, but it matters to my parents so I’ll do what I gotta do,” Aja told her with a shrug.

Sasha nodded, “I guess,” she agreed before changing the subject, “So you’ll never guess who Shea and I ran into at the design library today.”

“Who?” Aja urged her to continue.

“Katya,” she told her excitedly.

“You mean Trixie’s Katya, the one she was trying to keep hidden from you guys?”

“The very same. Shea and I were studying there and we ran into them. She seems nice and also a little strange, but I think we’re actually going to get a chance to know her now which is cool,” Sasha explained.

Aja didn’t seem too convinced, “So you think Trixie’s gonna actually bring her around from now on?”

“Oh, I don’t think we’re letting her make that decision,” Sasha shook her head, “Shea invited her to our little celebration thing tomorrow and also made up a secret santa thing, so I guess we gotta draw names for that now.”

“Man I love secret santa’s. I’m mad I can’t go now,” Aja pouted.

“I know. It really sucks that you have to work,” Sasha agreed, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“I really want to get to know your friends more,” Aja complained, “You all seem to have so much fun together.”

Sasha rubbed her shoulder, “I promise once break’s over you’ll become a regular fixture at our girl’s nights. It’s just bad timing right now is all,” she assured Aja.

“I know, I’m just being dramatic. Slip my name into the exchange though and pick one out for me?” Aja suggested.

“Of course!” Sasha agreed, “It’ll be a good way for at least one of them to get to know you.”

“And for me to get to know someone,” Aja grinned, “Make sure I don’t get you.”

Sasha smiled back, “I’ll do my best.” She grabbed their finished plates and brought them to the sink ignoring Aja’s protests.

“I’ll wash them later I want to spend time with you,” Aja tugged her hand.

“We’ll have all break you know. No school to get in the way. We’ll have lots of time to spend together,” Sasha squeezed her hand as they sat down on the couch.

“I know. And we’ll have to do the whole meet the family thing which should be interesting,” Aja sounded slightly worried.

“It’ll be great, I’m sure of it,” Sasha promised.

“Whatever you say,” Aja agreed.

They chatted for a while before Sasha decided she really needed to head back to her dorm to study a little bit and get some rest.

“Can’t you just spend the night?” Aja asked, as she walked Sasha to the door.

Sasha sighed, “I wish I could but I really need to study for my last exam tomorrow.”

“I know, but I’m still not too thrilled about it,” Aja gave her a hug and a quick peck on the lips, “Good luck on your exam, you’re gonna do great.”

Sasha smiled, “Thanks, I’m ready for it to be over mostly,” she chuckled waving again to Aja before walking back to her dorm.

She managed to go through the study guide once and felt fairly confident about the material so she allowed herself to go to bed.

*

Her Human Rights exam went without a hitch the next morning thankfully. She couldn’t believe that she was done with her first semester. Now she could relax and spend time with her friends before they went home for the break.

Shea had asked her to look over her final essay for English before she submitted it so Sasha headed to the café to grab a sandwich before heading to the library to edit it.

It didn’t take her too long to read through Shea’s essay, only having to fix a few grammatical errors before sending it back to Shea so she could turn it in. Shea texted her a thank you and Sasha realized that she had nothing to do until later that night.

She sighed and made her way back to her dorm. She figured she could take a nap and get some packing done. Shea had an afternoon exam so she wouldn’t be back until later. Sasha flopped down on her bed and scrolled through various feeds before dozing off.

Evening came eventually which meant Shea and Sasha had to make their way over to Kim and Trixie’s for their little get together. Sasha was excited but also partially sad because she wouldn’t see any of them for like a month. She was mainly looking forward to it though, especially finding more out about Katya.

They got to the dorm and were greeted by loud cheers from the others who were already there. Pearl was the only one who hadn’t arrived yet, which wasn’t that much of a surprise.

Kim was chatting with Shea’s friend, Naomi, who Kim had apparently gotten close with after they were introduced. It was clear to basically everyone that Naomi had a crush on Kim, well everyone except Kim maybe.

Trixie was with Katya, shooting glares at Shea from across the room. Shea ignored it, and just blew her a kiss, causing Sasha to laugh. Max was over with them, looking a little lost without Pearl there yet. Sasha wasn’t exactly sure what was going on with them. She assumed they were dating, but no one had said anything about it, so she didn’t ask.

Eventually Pearl showed up with a few drink options so no one could be too mad at her. Shea fixed her a drink that was heavy on the vodka but Sasha didn’t have anything going on the next day so she was perfectly fine with it.

The music was pumping at probably too high of a level. No doubt they’d get asked to turn it down, but in the moment everyone was having a good time.

Trixie had apparently cornered Shea and Shea was shooting her a ‘help me’ look as she got berated. Sasha chuckled before eventually making her way over to try and lend a helping hand.

“Hey Trix, I love this dress,” she complimented, poking the fabric lightly.

Trixie frowned, “Thanks, but don’t think you’re going to try and change the subject. I’m not thrilled with either of you.”

“C’mon Trixie. You can’t be mad at us for coincidentally being in the same place as you,” Shea rolled her eyes.

“No, but I can be mad that you invited her here,” Trixie retaliated.

“We’ll be on our best behavior. We just want to get to know her. You’ve made her out to be such an incredible person we just want a chance to experience that,” Shea shot back.

Trixie’s glare softened ever so slightly, “Fine, but I’m going to talk lots of shit about you all to her later.”

Shea laughed, “Fair enough,” she agreed. Trixie made her way over to where Katya was telling some outrageous looking story to Pearl, who looked fairly amused on her part.

“Well that didn’t go as awful as expected,” Sasha commented.

Shea nodded, “Yeah, though I think she just doesn’t want to cause a scene in front of Katya.”

“Probably. I am curious to chat with Katya some tonight. See what she’s all about,” Sasha told her.

“Me too. And see if she’s into Trix in the slightest,” Shea added.

“Definitely,” Sasha agreed. 

 

Sasha and Shea mingled and drank a little more. Shea didn’t have her final until the afternoon the next day and she was apparently confident about it so she wasn’t worried about staying sober and studying.

Eventually they ran into Katya, and Trixie seemed to not be around to police the conversation, so it seemed like fate.

“Sasha! Shea! It’s nice to see you guys again. Thanks for inviting me,” Katya greeted, wrapping them both in huge hugs.

“Of course, it’s great having you here,” Shea told her, and Sasha nodded in agreement.

Katya smiled widely, “It feels like I already know you guys so well from all the stories Trix told, but like this is my first time meeting the whole gang and it’s very weird,” she babbled.

“Don’t worry you’ll feel like part of this weird little family in no time,” Shea assured her.

Sasha smiled, “Yeah for sure, I only met everyone at the beginning of the semester and I completely feel like I’m a part of it. I’ll miss everyone a lot while they’re home for break,” she admitted.

“Aw Sash, we’ll all miss you so much,” Shea gave her a quick squeeze, “Don’t worry I’ll text you like every day.”

Katya smiled at their interaction, “You guys are really sweet together. Trixie didn’t say anything about it, but I gotta ask. How long have you guys been dating?”

Sasha looked at Shea to try to gage her reaction, Shea looked back at her before cracking up laughing. “No we’re just friends,” she explained, “We got put together as roommates and now we’ve got this lovely friendship out of it,” Shea squeezed her shoulder.

Katya looked frazzled, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to assume.”

“No it’s totally fine,” Sasha assured her, “We’re really close so I can see why it might seem like that.”

Katya still looked like she felt bad about the mistake, luckily Shea jumped in as well, “Honestly it’s a compliment to our friendship if we’re viewed as a couple,” she smiled earnestly.

“I remember Trixie said something about you having a girlfriend,” she told Sasha, “I just wasn’t sure who it was.”

Sasha smiled, “Yeah, her name’s Aja. She had to work or else she’d be here tonight, but we’re still going to put her name in the drawing so she can be here in spirit,” she explained.

“Oh, that’s sweet of you. I hope to meet her soon, I’m sure I’ll see you guys around more next semester,” Katya figured.

Trixie had apparently realized that Katya had wandered over to talk to them, so of course she had to go jump in, “Yeah, we can do things like this all the time next semester. It’ll be great,” she smiled through gritted teeth.

“I can see why you didn’t want me to meet any of your friends, I’m going to ditch you for them now,” Katya nudged her playfully.

Trixie rolled her eyes, “Yeah, I’m sure they would love that.”

Sasha and Shea both cracked up, “We definitely would,” Shea chimed in.

“Yeah, we were actually going to go sign the adoption papers tomorrow,” Sasha added.

“This is a match made in hell, I regret everything,” Trixie groaned, “I’m getting another drink.”

Katya watched her walk away, “I should go with her,” Katya shot them another blinding smile before following Trixie to the kitchen.

“They’re something alright,” Sasha announced once she’d walked away.

Shea snorted, “Yeah definitely. I’m thinking with a little intervention from the group they’ll be together before summer.”

“Are you really making a bet on them right now?” Sasha raised her brows.

“Yes I am. I think I’ll get a pool started tonight, maybe do one for Kim and Naomi too,” Shea decided.

Sasha shook her head, “Well whatever you do, leave me out of it. I don’t want to be blamed when they find out.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re already coupled up, you don’t understand the single life. Always a bridesmaid, but never a bride,” Shea teased.

“A, no one’s getting married and B, you have Milk don’t you?” Sasha asked, confused.

Shea made a face, “I’m not like gonna date him though. It’s a stress relief thing, I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“Whatever you say,” Sasha finished her drink and announced she was going to get a refill. Shea took it as an opportunity to get everything sorted out for secret santa. She had written out the names earlier and even got a cute santa hat to put them in.

Sasha watched as she went around having people pick names. She would most likely know who everyone had by the end of the night, but they could all keep the illusion of it being secret.

Shea came around to her, and she grabbed one for Aja and one for herself, “Are you just going to keep the one you like better for you,” Shea teased.

“Hush,” Sasha giggled, “I gotta check the names to make sure we don’t get each other.”

“Sure,” Shea winked, before heading over to Pearl and Max to let them pick.

The papers Sasha had gotten were for Katya and Kim. She figured she’d be doing them both a favor by picking Katya, since she didn’t know much about her and Aja didn’t know much about either of them.

After papers were handed out and everyone hung out a little more. The party eventually started dwindling down and Shea wanted to head back to the dorm. She wanted to wake up early to study a little and pack her bag for the break.

They said their goodbyes to everyone before walking back to the dorm. “So who’d you and Aja get?” Shea nudged Sasha with her shoulder, stumbling a little bit in doing so.

Sasha caught her with a laugh, “I got Katya and she got Kim. Figured it was fair to give us both someone we didn’t really know.”

Shea nodded, “Don’t tell her, but I got Aja. I’ll probably need your help in picking something.”

“You two are really similar, so I’m sure she’d like the same things you do,” Sasha told her.

“Good to know,” Shea smiled.

Once they got back to the dorm, Shea threw herself onto her bed, and was pretty much out like a light right away. Sasha took some care in removing her makeup and changing into a t shirt before crawling into bed and falling asleep a well.

*

The next morning was spent quizzing Shea to help prep her for her exam and helping her decide what she needed to bring for her month back home.

Shea seemed to be ready for her exam. She liked the class as well as the professor, so she always paid attention. Sasha was mainly just quizzing her on little details, but she was sure Shea would be fine.

It was hard to believe that their semester was coming to a close. Kim and Trixie were catching their flight back that night and Max had an early flight. Pearl was staying in New York but would be visiting her dad for a week over the break, so Sasha would be left with none of them.

She’d probably spend her time at the bar and with Aja. It would be nice spending time with her dad too. She knew break would be enjoyable, but she’d still miss all her new friends.

Shea eventually left to take her exam. Sasha busied herself by tidying up the room even though they would most likely mess it up again that night.

Shea texted her when she was on her way back, so that Sasha could put in the order for pizza and cookies. They had agreed to spend their last night before break having a girl’s night for just them.

Sasha placed the order and Shea walked in a little later. “Hey, how’d it go?” Sasha asked.

Shea grinned, “I don’t want to say it was easy, but also, it was easy.”

“That’s good,” Sasha returned the smile, “Can you believe we’re done with our first semester?”

Shea took a seat beside her on the bed, “I know, it’s insane. Halfway through the year, it went by so fast.”

Sasha nodded, “I know and it’s only been a few months, but I feel like I’ve known you and this place my entire life.”

“Yeah, it’s crazy,” Shea agreed. Sasha’s phone buzzed, letting her know that the food had gotten there, so they headed down to the lobby to pick it up.

They returned back to the room, and settled back in. Sasha poured them both a glass of wine, while Shea set up a movie. Then, they dug in to the pizza. They finished all the food in record time. Mean Girls was playing, but they’d both seen it so many times they didn’t really need to pay attention.

Two bottles of wine later and they were both feeling tipsy and sentimental. “Sasha, I’m so glad I got you as a roommate. You’ve made this semester exponentially better.”

Sasha felt her heart flip, and chalked it up to it just being a sweet sentiment, “You too, I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better roommate or friend.”

Shea beamed and reached for her hand to squeeze it, “It’s going to be weird not seeing you every day.”

Sasha squeezed her hand back, “We’ll still talk though, and it’s just a month,” she assured Shea.

Shea sighed, “I know, and I’m excited to visit home. It’s just gonna feel different now,” she admitted, before resting her head on Sasha’s shoulder.

Sasha let her stay like that, wrapping a comforting hand around her shoulder and rubbing her arm, “That might be a good thing though.”

“I guess,” Shea said.

“And it’ll make school even better to come back to,” Sasha added.

“You’re probably right,” Shea agreed, snuggling more into Sasha’s side. They finished the movie like that. Sasha did her best to ignore the beating of her heart and the nagging feeling inside her mind.

After the movie was over Sasha shrugged Shea off and they got to cleaning up a little. They both went off to take showers and make sure everything was ready for when her dad came to pick them up the next morning.

Morning came and they got ready. Her dad came to get them and drove Shea to the airport. Sasha gave her a heartfelt hug when they dropped her off, promising to text every day and making Shea promise to call as soon as she landed safely.

Shea waved goodbye before walking into the airport. Sasha got back in the car, and her dad drove them back home. It was only a month, but Sasha knew it would be a little hard. She checked her phone to see a text from Aja.

‘Hey, who did we get for the exchange?’ it read.

‘I got Katya and you got Kim,’ she wrote back.

Aja’s reply came quickly, ‘Who got me tho?’

‘No clue. Idk who got me either,’ she decided to lie and let it be a surprise. She knew Aja would like whatever gift Shea got her. She needed to start thinking about what she would get for them, as well as Katya, though she supposed she could ask Trixie for suggestions if she needed to.

If anything it would give them all something to talk about over the break, which would be nice. Her dad pulled into the driveway and Sasha went up to her room to put her stuff down. She already had snaps from the group, making it feel like they were still there. She smiled as she replied. Break was going to be okay, she was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the person who hit me up about betaing, sorry I deleted my side blog to just make it a main blog so if you hit me up now I could still use you. Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is interested in being my beta I would so appreciate it. I need someone to keep my run on sentences at bay. I also need someone who will be very available to listen to me rethink the plot and pairings many many times. Please hit me up if you're interested. My tumblr is the same as my name on here if you want to find me.


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